Voicemail has feelings too

The following was a voicemail left on the machine while I was on another call...

Man in an angry voice: "I sure HOPE TO HELL you call me back."

...minutes later the same man calls back...

Emily: "Hello, how can I help you?"
Man in a very kind voice: "Oooooh Hiii! How are you?"

The Bloog Takes a Big Step

G Chat conversation with Emily - who was silent in my time of need.

Marni: I'm officially adding our bloog to my facebook
Marni: it needs some action
Marni: it's too good to go unread
Marni: emily
Marni: do you concur?
Marni: I need your permission
Marni: this is a BIG decision
Marni: emily??

She finally did concur.

Welcome to the bloog, world. Enjoy your stay.

KC & The Sunshine Band

The following phone conversation took place at 01000 hours with Emily and a customer. We can't make this stuff up.

Customer makes a statement, asking if it is correct.
Emily: uh huh
Customer makes another generalization
Emily: uh huh
Customer says final statement
Emily: uh huh, that is correct.
Customer sings: ♫ That's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it. ♫
Emily: .... ha ha (a little bit confused why the customer is singing)
Customer: You reminded me of that song.
Emily: Oohhh, can I help you with anything else?
Customer: Nope. I'm going to sign up with your program because I like it. ♫ That's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it, uh huh uh huh.♫ Okay bye.

My Diabolical Plan. By Marni

Marni: Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily, come in here!!!! The copy room smells like static electricity!!!

Emily: Not now Marni.
Marni: I'm serious, hurry!!!!

Emily goes into copy room.

Emily: It always smells like this.
Marni: I know. It was just my ploy to get you in here.
Emily: Why?
No answer from Marni, only a mischievous grin.

10 minutes later I still have no idea why Marni tricked me into walking into the copy room. If it were anyone but Marni I might be a little more curious.

#12. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

"Christmas is a huge scam" - Cristobal

Merry Christmas from The Office!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A Scary Christmas Tale

It was a cold and dark December day. A Friday, to be precise.

Marni and Emily were the only ones in the office. Jorge was off galavanting in Nicaragua, Diego went home because he was "violently ill," Tomás was celebrating an early Christmas with his family, and Cristobal and Juan had mysteriously disappeared in a cab to go to a 4+ hour lunch.

Business was slow, because, as it is said, "business shuts down from Nov-Feb." Marni and Emily had already taken care of all work-related tasks, decorated the office with Christmas decorations, and made a dance video to Christmas music.

All the fluorescent lights were off in the office, in order to make Christmas lights shine brightly.

Emily and Marni were sitting in Emily's office shooting the breeze (actually, updating the bloog), when all of the sudden - the phone rang. Emily answered it. It was a potential customer with some questions. They had a routine conversation.... And then, all of the sudden - they heard a SNEEZE come from just outside Emily's office door!

Emily and Marni looked at each other, eyes wide, and silently screamed. Emily had to keep talking to the person on the phone, and Marni reached for the scissors on Emily's desk.

She poked her head out of the office, and started to look around.

WHO WAS THERE???

The sneeze sounded as though it had come from one of the back offices.

"Surely we would have heard if someone had come back, though, right??" Marni thought to herself.

Emily hung up, and whispered to Marni, "WHO WAS THAT??" She ran to the front of the office and turned on the lights, and the two tiptoed around the office, in search of the intruder.

They were soon too spooked to look around anymore, so they ran out of the office to get help from the lawyers across the hall.

On the way out, a man from across the hall came walking by from the bathroom.

Emily: Did you just sneeze?

Man: Uh, yeah, just a minute ago...?

Marni: Out here in the hall?

Man: Yeah, right about here...

Emily: OH...IT WAS JUST YOU!

The man looked down at Marni's scissors, still in her hand.

Marni: Oh...uh...protection...

Emily: We're the only ones in the office...

Man: (clearly a little weirded out) You should lock yourselves in then.

Marni and Emily: (a tad bit embarrassed) Oh yeah, good idea.

The end.

Juan, Help Me Help You

Interactions with the Ladies

Marni: Is there any way you can not be so looming?
Juan: Um.... I'm just tall.
Marni: It's not your height that's looming it's your presence.
Emily: Let's try to say something nice
Marni: You're smart.
Emily: You're intelligent.
Marni: You speak slowly...

General Work Presentability

Juan's everyday work attire consists of a t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes or dirty boots. We work in a fancy downtown high-rise.

Marni: Juan, could you please shave soon? (he has about a 4 day beard going on)

Juan: Um...excuse me?

Marni: You're really scuzzing up the office...it looks like you haven't bathed in awhile.

Juan: Well, I HAVE bathed.

Marni: Your faded black t-shirt isn't helping matters.

Juan: It's a shirt from my college...it's practically Baptist, you should love that.

Marni: What?? No...it's tacky.

Christmas SWAG!!!!!!!

The beauty of Christmas, in addition to the birth of the Savior of the world, is the receipt of free Christmas SWAG from corporate vendors. If you are unfamiliar with the term SWAG, or the episode of the office in which it is featured, here you go:

Stuff
We
All
Get

Every year we eagerly wait the first box of SWAG. Will it be cookies? Maybe a t-shirt?? Hot chocolate mix???

This year, the first SWAG to arrive on the scene was a tin of cookies...that disappeared as quickly as it came. The second SWAG was a second tin of cookies, whose fate was the same as the first. The third SWAG was a tin (see a tin theme?) of chocolate covered pecans. Next, an extra large box of SWAG came in... the assortment was equal to that of a thanksgiving feast.
The treasure box included:
-Cheese straws
-Cheddar sticks
-Peanut butter pretzels
-Fruit cordials
-Mixed fruit sour drops
-Chocolate decadence cookies
-Caramel puff balls
-Toffee peanuts
-Yogurt pretzels

People come out of the woodwork in this office when the SWAG arrives. It truly is the lifeblood that brings the office together. And that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?

Marni's Occupational Crossover

Today I tried my hand at speech therapy.

Emily and I were talking about this new movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox (which Emily absolutely loved, and I had mixed feelings about). At the end of the movie, there is this completely random and funny part with a wolf.

Emily: I wanted to find a picture of a woof to post on your wall.

Marni: A WOOF?

Emily: Yeah! A woof!

Oh no. She can't say wolf. Intervention time - Marni to the rescue!

Marni: Say wool

Emily: Wool

Marni: Say wool...f

Emily: Wool...f

Marni: Wool-f

Emily: Wool-f

Marni: Wolf

Emily: WOULF

Marni: No, more like a U sound - wulf

Emily: Wolf

Marni: Good! See, you can do it!

Emily: I know...it's just easier to say woof.

Marni: sigh...

My diagnosis: Emily is lazy and beyond help. God help her. God help us all.

Static electricity

At least the chairs have good lumbar support.

Slow day at work makes Marni crazy

marni: what's my facebook status????
emily: the state trivia game
marni: oh yeah...... who commented??????
emily: I did.
marni: oh yeah.....

Celebrity customer??

....Marni responding to a customer named Paula....
Marni: This may be out of line.... but are you from American Idol?

ah yes, the classic confuse our customers with a celebrity gag.

Trash cans are for trash

...they are not for expensive soundboard equipment.

Imagine the look of horror on the owner's face upon sighting this strategically placed 'trash' in the trash can with his precious soundboard.

(no soundboards were harmed in this classic mistake-the-soundboard-storage-can-for-a-trash-can gag.)

The Great ShoppyBag Ruckus

So I opened an e-mail and accidentally gave it permission to spam every single one of my gmail contacts. so sue me. Innocent mistake, won't happen again.

Marni: you have created a monster...and it's called ShoppyBag...!!!!!

December 2 at 1:45pm comment

Emily: we will all laugh about this in a few years.

December 2 at 1:50pm · Delete

R.D. if by laughing you mean dart throwing at pics Emily Burrows then yes...we will be doing lots of that in a few years...

December 2 at 2:15pm · Delete

Jessica: yeah what exactly is shoppybag? i got emails from it all day long today? is this your doing burrows?

December 2 at 8:52pm · Delete

24th floor window view

Employee of the Month

Remove

...Employee of the Month...

me: did you deliver my mail? if so thank you, if not, thank george
Marni: yes, you're welcome
me: too kind
Marni: I know, it's one of my weaknesses
Marni: ...and it is also one of my strengths

Merry Christmas from Emily & Marni