Voicemail has feelings too

The following was a voicemail left on the machine while I was on another call...

Man in an angry voice: "I sure HOPE TO HELL you call me back."

...minutes later the same man calls back...

Emily: "Hello, how can I help you?"
Man in a very kind voice: "Oooooh Hiii! How are you?"

The Bloog Takes a Big Step

G Chat conversation with Emily - who was silent in my time of need.

Marni: I'm officially adding our bloog to my facebook
Marni: it needs some action
Marni: it's too good to go unread
Marni: emily
Marni: do you concur?
Marni: I need your permission
Marni: this is a BIG decision
Marni: emily??

She finally did concur.

Welcome to the bloog, world. Enjoy your stay.

KC & The Sunshine Band

The following phone conversation took place at 01000 hours with Emily and a customer. We can't make this stuff up.

Customer makes a statement, asking if it is correct.
Emily: uh huh
Customer makes another generalization
Emily: uh huh
Customer says final statement
Emily: uh huh, that is correct.
Customer sings: ♫ That's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it. ♫
Emily: .... ha ha (a little bit confused why the customer is singing)
Customer: You reminded me of that song.
Emily: Oohhh, can I help you with anything else?
Customer: Nope. I'm going to sign up with your program because I like it. ♫ That's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it, uh huh uh huh.♫ Okay bye.

My Diabolical Plan. By Marni

Marni: Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily Emily, come in here!!!! The copy room smells like static electricity!!!

Emily: Not now Marni.
Marni: I'm serious, hurry!!!!

Emily goes into copy room.

Emily: It always smells like this.
Marni: I know. It was just my ploy to get you in here.
Emily: Why?
No answer from Marni, only a mischievous grin.

10 minutes later I still have no idea why Marni tricked me into walking into the copy room. If it were anyone but Marni I might be a little more curious.

#12. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

"Christmas is a huge scam" - Cristobal

Merry Christmas from The Office!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A Scary Christmas Tale

It was a cold and dark December day. A Friday, to be precise.

Marni and Emily were the only ones in the office. Jorge was off galavanting in Nicaragua, Diego went home because he was "violently ill," Tomás was celebrating an early Christmas with his family, and Cristobal and Juan had mysteriously disappeared in a cab to go to a 4+ hour lunch.

Business was slow, because, as it is said, "business shuts down from Nov-Feb." Marni and Emily had already taken care of all work-related tasks, decorated the office with Christmas decorations, and made a dance video to Christmas music.

All the fluorescent lights were off in the office, in order to make Christmas lights shine brightly.

Emily and Marni were sitting in Emily's office shooting the breeze (actually, updating the bloog), when all of the sudden - the phone rang. Emily answered it. It was a potential customer with some questions. They had a routine conversation.... And then, all of the sudden - they heard a SNEEZE come from just outside Emily's office door!

Emily and Marni looked at each other, eyes wide, and silently screamed. Emily had to keep talking to the person on the phone, and Marni reached for the scissors on Emily's desk.

She poked her head out of the office, and started to look around.

WHO WAS THERE???

The sneeze sounded as though it had come from one of the back offices.

"Surely we would have heard if someone had come back, though, right??" Marni thought to herself.

Emily hung up, and whispered to Marni, "WHO WAS THAT??" She ran to the front of the office and turned on the lights, and the two tiptoed around the office, in search of the intruder.

They were soon too spooked to look around anymore, so they ran out of the office to get help from the lawyers across the hall.

On the way out, a man from across the hall came walking by from the bathroom.

Emily: Did you just sneeze?

Man: Uh, yeah, just a minute ago...?

Marni: Out here in the hall?

Man: Yeah, right about here...

Emily: OH...IT WAS JUST YOU!

The man looked down at Marni's scissors, still in her hand.

Marni: Oh...uh...protection...

Emily: We're the only ones in the office...

Man: (clearly a little weirded out) You should lock yourselves in then.

Marni and Emily: (a tad bit embarrassed) Oh yeah, good idea.

The end.

Juan, Help Me Help You

Interactions with the Ladies

Marni: Is there any way you can not be so looming?
Juan: Um.... I'm just tall.
Marni: It's not your height that's looming it's your presence.
Emily: Let's try to say something nice
Marni: You're smart.
Emily: You're intelligent.
Marni: You speak slowly...

General Work Presentability

Juan's everyday work attire consists of a t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes or dirty boots. We work in a fancy downtown high-rise.

Marni: Juan, could you please shave soon? (he has about a 4 day beard going on)

Juan: Um...excuse me?

Marni: You're really scuzzing up the office...it looks like you haven't bathed in awhile.

Juan: Well, I HAVE bathed.

Marni: Your faded black t-shirt isn't helping matters.

Juan: It's a shirt from my college...it's practically Baptist, you should love that.

Marni: What?? No...it's tacky.

Christmas SWAG!!!!!!!

The beauty of Christmas, in addition to the birth of the Savior of the world, is the receipt of free Christmas SWAG from corporate vendors. If you are unfamiliar with the term SWAG, or the episode of the office in which it is featured, here you go:

Stuff
We
All
Get

Every year we eagerly wait the first box of SWAG. Will it be cookies? Maybe a t-shirt?? Hot chocolate mix???

This year, the first SWAG to arrive on the scene was a tin of cookies...that disappeared as quickly as it came. The second SWAG was a second tin of cookies, whose fate was the same as the first. The third SWAG was a tin (see a tin theme?) of chocolate covered pecans. Next, an extra large box of SWAG came in... the assortment was equal to that of a thanksgiving feast.
The treasure box included:
-Cheese straws
-Cheddar sticks
-Peanut butter pretzels
-Fruit cordials
-Mixed fruit sour drops
-Chocolate decadence cookies
-Caramel puff balls
-Toffee peanuts
-Yogurt pretzels

People come out of the woodwork in this office when the SWAG arrives. It truly is the lifeblood that brings the office together. And that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?

Marni's Occupational Crossover

Today I tried my hand at speech therapy.

Emily and I were talking about this new movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox (which Emily absolutely loved, and I had mixed feelings about). At the end of the movie, there is this completely random and funny part with a wolf.

Emily: I wanted to find a picture of a woof to post on your wall.

Marni: A WOOF?

Emily: Yeah! A woof!

Oh no. She can't say wolf. Intervention time - Marni to the rescue!

Marni: Say wool

Emily: Wool

Marni: Say wool...f

Emily: Wool...f

Marni: Wool-f

Emily: Wool-f

Marni: Wolf

Emily: WOULF

Marni: No, more like a U sound - wulf

Emily: Wolf

Marni: Good! See, you can do it!

Emily: I know...it's just easier to say woof.

Marni: sigh...

My diagnosis: Emily is lazy and beyond help. God help her. God help us all.

Static electricity

At least the chairs have good lumbar support.

Slow day at work makes Marni crazy

marni: what's my facebook status????
emily: the state trivia game
marni: oh yeah...... who commented??????
emily: I did.
marni: oh yeah.....

Celebrity customer??

....Marni responding to a customer named Paula....
Marni: This may be out of line.... but are you from American Idol?

ah yes, the classic confuse our customers with a celebrity gag.

Trash cans are for trash

...they are not for expensive soundboard equipment.

Imagine the look of horror on the owner's face upon sighting this strategically placed 'trash' in the trash can with his precious soundboard.

(no soundboards were harmed in this classic mistake-the-soundboard-storage-can-for-a-trash-can gag.)

The Great ShoppyBag Ruckus

So I opened an e-mail and accidentally gave it permission to spam every single one of my gmail contacts. so sue me. Innocent mistake, won't happen again.

Marni: you have created a monster...and it's called ShoppyBag...!!!!!

December 2 at 1:45pm comment

Emily: we will all laugh about this in a few years.

December 2 at 1:50pm · Delete

R.D. if by laughing you mean dart throwing at pics Emily Burrows then yes...we will be doing lots of that in a few years...

December 2 at 2:15pm · Delete

Jessica: yeah what exactly is shoppybag? i got emails from it all day long today? is this your doing burrows?

December 2 at 8:52pm · Delete

24th floor window view

Employee of the Month

Remove

...Employee of the Month...

me: did you deliver my mail? if so thank you, if not, thank george
Marni: yes, you're welcome
me: too kind
Marni: I know, it's one of my weaknesses
Marni: ...and it is also one of my strengths

Merry Christmas from Emily & Marni

Chris Brown's Forever

What the video doesn't show you, is APPARENTLY Marni's knee collided with my knee, inducing a serious, but not fatal, injury.

Now imagine the dramatization that Marni played out for the rest of the day upon injuring her knee in our little dance off. She sat in a desk chair, holding a bag of ice on her knee, while wheeling herself around the office.

"Emily, why are your knees so razor sharp??"

"Oh good! This happened on company property! So...worker's comp."

"They need to make these doors wheelchair accessible."

"My knee is too cold from the ice."

"My body is miraculously healing itself."

"Now I know how Artie [Glee] feels!"

Our customers know us too well....

The following is a conversation from the same Craigs List enthusiast from this post.

Ring Ring Ring

"This is Emily"

customer: How was your vacation?

"Good, but I'm not sure who this is?"

customer: It's Joe!

"Did I tell you I was on vacation?

customer: Oh, well I figured it out somehow.

"Oh..."

Why we love our customers

Excerpt from a conversation with possibly my newest favorite customer:

"Have you ever heard of the term 'computer illiterate'?...Well, I have a new one for ya, 'computer stupid.' That's what I am. It's a step below illiterate."

He is 63-years-old.

"You know what motivated me to get on the computer?

I'm assuming he's going to say our company. "No, I don't"

"Craig's List"

"Oh!...I've never bought anything off of Craig's List"

"You haven't? Well let me give you some tips!"

I did not envision the huge can of worms this would open...

"You're gonna want to go to the website, Craigslist.com. Then you want to click on Dallas/Ft. Worth. See, they sell stuff from all over the world"

"uh huh.."

"...like a bunch of other countries...!"

Apparently my response wasn't enthusiastic enough, so this time I try, "Oh wow!"

"YEAH!...So...you click on Dallas/Ft. Worth."

"ok..."

"Then you can search for what you want to look for. When you first start out, you should go to the section that says "general" and you can get an idea of all the things they sell"

"uh huh..."

I've bought all sorts of things on Craig's List...tires...ATVs...tractors"

"oh, wow. tractors?"

"Yeah! So, there's all these items for saaaaale...and then there's sites for jobs, housing, discussion forums, personals...services, you know, if you want someone to work on a computer"

"mmhmm"

"You know what's neat? It's neat to every once in awhile to New Zealand...and just see what they've got"

"Oh yeah, that would be neat"

"Yeah, it's crazy some stuff they've got!"

"Ok, great, I'll have to check it out"

"You really should. If you need to buy anything, go to Craig's List. If you need a car, then even have cars! If you need couches...TVs...microwaves..."

Humoring him at this point, "So I bet some things go pretty fast?"

"OH, you BET! Some things go real fast! Like, if someone's selling something for a really good deal, it's gonna go in just MINUTES. But if someone's selling something for not a really good deal, it'll stay up there awhile."

"Wow...well, thanks for the tip"

"Oh yeah, well I've told a bunch of people about your company, so hopefully I've just made another customer for Craig's List!"

"Oh yeah, I'll definitely look at it...maybe today even"

"Oh yeah! You SHOULD!"

It is possible I can get through the rest of this week without Emily...If and only if our customers are this entertaining!

Social boundaries?

Elevator Experiments

After discussing many awkward things that happen in the elevator on a daily basis, Marni and I want to take this to the next level.

Social experiments in the elevator. Any ideas? This is interactive.

Marni's tmi

Marni: I wasn't potty trained until age 11.
......silence in the office.....
Marni: Okay not 11 but it took a while.
....crickets.....
Marni: at 9 months I told my mom 'no more diapers mom' and she listened to me. but I wasn't ready. So then it was really hard to potty train me.

#11. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute: Properly tailored clothing

Cristobal's suggestion for overcoming fatigue at the workplace:
Cristobal: Do lunges.
Marni: Are you kidding? In a skirt??
Cristobal: Wear pants.
Emily: The seams would rip!
Cristobal: If you had properly tailored clothing then you could do lunges.
(HE THEN DEMONSTRATES WITH 10 LUNGES IN HIS SUIT HOLDING HIS BRIEFCASE).


Discussing push-ups at work:
Marni: I don't want to sweat at work.
Cristobal: 20 push-ups will not make you sweat. 30 wont. 40 wont.
Marni: you WOULD SWEAT.
Cristobal: Maybe if I was in a blazer, but 20 push-ups would not cause the problem of sweating.
Marni: Do 20 push-ups then!
Cristobal: No. It's a decorum issue.

#2. Marni's Memos

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marni
Date: Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Subject: Your momma don't work here.
To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily, Tom


If you look around the office this morning, you will find no clean mugs. I found 4 dirty mugs around the office this morning that I put in the dishwasher, and I'm sure there are more in your offices. I don't even use the mugs.

NOTE: We have a dishwasher in the break room. It is run every day around 2pm. If you are still drinking from your mug/glass at that time, that's fine. But if you have dirty dishes you aren't using, remember to put them in the dishwasher so they can be cleaned! I know it's not as convenient as having one right here in the office, but it's only a few steps away.

If we all take care of our OWN things, we should be able to keep up with the dirty dishes around here, and not have a pileup like today.

I remain,

Marni
aka
not your momma

P.S. Tom, you can disregard this message. You're more OCD than I am. :)

P.S.S. If you are not Tom and also feel like this message does not apply to you - great. Thanks for helping keep the office a cleaner place.

#1. Marni's Memos

Marni is a community helper here in the office, and weekly she will send a memo to the office covering a multitude of topics, including but not limited to: office cleanliness, health of co-workers, or threatening doomsday with the launch of new products.

---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Marni Date: Thurs, Sep 17, 2009 at 2:37 PM Subject: Prayer Chain To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily

Juan has a rare disease that makes his head grow at a million times the speed of a normal head. Scientists are now wondering if this is linked to his super-human intelligence. But that is neither here nor there, because this disease is very dangerous and life-threatening. It will cause the bones in his head to fuse together, causing his skull to look like that of the picture I have attached.

So I'm starting this prayer chain to pray that Juan's head would be diminished to normal human size. I do realize that this means his intelligence may also revert back to that of, say, a 5 year old, but I think we can all agree that this is something we are willing to risk for the sake of his living.

Thank you.

I remain,

Respectfully,

Marni

Video: San Pellegrino Limonata

Ahhh... refreshingly cool!!

#10. Why our boss and co-worker are Dwight Schrute

Cristobal: Kraft macaroni & cheese is nasty crap. It should be illegal to sell. You have to make your own.
Juan: But watch out, once the first cheese molecule grabs a foothold, it calls out to all it's other protein friends and says "let's hold hands" and then you're screwed.
Cristobal: The power of tertiary bonds.

Juan: Haha... tertiary bonds! so strong!

Awareness

Since all of our pranks, we have heightened our co-workers awareness of subtle changes.

Today, Marni did not straighten her hair as usual and made it curly, and Emily did straighten her hair instead of keeping it curly.

Cristobal: Wait.... wait... a second.... YOU (points at Emily) brushed your hair and YOU (points at Marni) did not brush your hair.
Emily: Okay, first of all I brush my hair everyday, second of all I just happened to straighten it thank you for noticing.
Marni: Yeah, I never brush my hair, I comb my hair.

George walks in...(with GUESTS)...
George: Whoa Marni you didn't comb your hair! [long pause] It looks good!

#9. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

"Don't get me wrong, I despise weakness and laziness in all forms - male or female."

Social Experiment #2

9AM

The Swap. 12:45PM

4:30PM. Back to normal!


This is how our day went:
8:50 Diego takes his first smoke break.
9:00 Jorge comes in, we chat about P90.
10:00 Cristobal comes in with his daughter. We play with her and Cristobal sees us plenty.
12:00 We eat lunch with Cristobal, his wife and daughters.
12:30 Cristobal goes to his office. We tell his wife our plan. She says she thinks he'll notice the swap.
12:45 Cristobal takes his family downstairs. We rush to the bathroom to change.
12:48 Back in the office, we anxious wait for someone to come by.
12:54 Diego walks by, sees us both, notices nothing out of the ordinary.
12:55 Cristobal walks in the door. As he walks to his office, we try to act natural. He notices nothing :)
1:10 Cristobal gets some coffee. Neither of us look up to see if he's looking at us.
1:15 Marni reminds Emily through g-chat to "ACT NATURAL"
1:34 Emily over g-chat: Cristobal "kind of looked at us twice"
2:30 We decide to be bold and walk back to Cristobal's office together to ask him something. He notices nothing.
2:40 Cristobal came to our desks, speaks with both of us, notices nothing. :-D
4:00 Emily and Marni get coffee, see Cristobal downstairs, ride elevator up with him, talk for a few minutes. Still zero recognition.
4:20 Marni: Cristobal, would you consider yourself to be an observant person?
Cristobal: Yes.
Marni: Really?
Cristobal: Yes, I always notice things. <> Let me give you an example: I notice changes in hair, makeup, blouses.
--At this point, we're both certain he knows--
Cristobal:...and usually before a woman's husband notices!
Marni: So, is this like at church?
Cristobal: Oh anywhere...church, the receptionist at the legal office...lady who works at the dry cleaner...
4:25 Conversation ends. If he had known, he would have said so...we GOT him!
4:30 We change back into our original outfits.
4:35 Cristobal comes out of Jorge's office. Doesn't even notice!
4:50 The Big Reveal: Jorge's not surprised he didn't notice, Diego doesn't believe us and has to see picture proof, Cristobal says ,"I knew you were up to something with your 'are you observant question,'" and that's it.
5:00 We leave with mixed feelings: A little bummed no one notices us, but also feeling victorious that we got away with it! :)

The classic swap

We can't believe we haven't thought of this before!

Tomorrow.... sometime around lunch, we are going to completely trade outfits. Head to toe. And see if anyone notices.

Stay tuned....

#8. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

Emily: What's the worst candy bar out there?
Cristobal: Anything made in America.

Improper Lighting

Marni started to complain about headaches induced by the lighting, so she shut off all the lights, moved the lamps around, and closed the blinds. I'm not sure if it's better or worse.

#7. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

Cristobal: Marni, can I use your computer?
Marni: Are you going to watch 80's music videos on YouTube?
Cristobal: No.

*Minutes later Cristobal is flustered*
Cristobal: What is wrong with your mouse???!!!!
Marni: What? Nothing.
Cristobal:Did you reconfigure your mouse settings?!?!
Marni: Are you serious?
Cristobal:Arghhghhhhhh *spastic clicking ensues*
Marni: Please don't break the mouse.
Cristobal: Apple makes the worst mouses ever.
*He is trying to look at a map of downtown Dallas for directions*
Marni looks at Emily: He was in Florida.... now he is in the ocean. heh heh heh.
Cristobal: Arghhhh this mouse is terrible!!!!

Pinecrest

http://pinecrestrc.org/
Make sure the volume is up!!

Lyrics (italics added are mine and are not necessarily reflective of Pinecrest core beliefs):

Making your retirement worry free (Bold statement Pinecrest, you've set the bar quite high.)
Come join the Pinecrest family (I'm assuming this means organized snack times like your website promised.)
And friend (Quite presumptuous of you)
You'll never need to move again (What if I want to move again?)
Though your needs may change (Somewhat offensive. More details please...)
Your address will always stay the same (Always?? This is a bit eerie.)
At pinecrest the very moment you move in (More detail.. are we talking when I sign the papers, or once the last curtain is hung? Your vagueness is a huge turnoff.)
A life begins again!! (Are you implying I had no life before? Again, highly offensive.)

Marni, or Mom?

"Hey Mom..er.. I mean.. Marni. oh dear. I am embarrassed. I have no idea why I just called you mom." -Emily

#6. Why Our Boss Is Dwight Schrute

Cristobal: I wouldn't wish anyone to be a Pastor.
Emily & Marni: yikes. why?
Cristobal: It's a horrible, rotten job.
-
Marni: What do you think about silk?
Cristobal: Wonderful fabric. Very expensive. But lovely.
-
Marni: That lady walks funny.
Cristobal: It's because she's wearing terrible, poorly constructed shoes.
-
Marni: Tell us what you really think about us.
Emily: What? No, I don't agree to this.
Cristobal: I would take a perverse pleasure in watching you cry.
Marni: I don't think you should have children.
Cristobal: Too late.

It Is Your Birthday.

Marni, thank you thank you thank you!

Modeling Agency

It may be something worth looking into.....

Here, Marni tries her hand at modeling. A comparison with the lady on the coffee maker box. 

....After the photo shoot....

Marni: that was hard! she is good. I guess that's why she's a model. 

Video: cafe disco part 2

I feel that I must explain...

I'm not a party pooper. I'm all for dance parties. It just so happens that this was filmed on the very day I was taking a very important licensing exam! I went to the conference room to get some last-minute studying in...but emily had other plans...

Things we are not.

Phone rings:
"This is Emily"
"Hi, I was just calling to find out..... are you a modeling agency?"

This conversation takes place at least once a day:
"Is this the water company?"
"no."
"Are you sure?"
"yes."
"what number did I call?????"
"I don't know."
"you aren't the water company?"
"still no."
"can you help me with my bill???"
"impossible."
"you can't help me with my bill???"
"no."

#5. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

The following is a real conversation that took place in The Office.

Cristobal: The day of reckoning has come.
Marni & Emily: Huh?
Cristobal: For the squirrels. I hate the squirrels.
Marni: Awwwww, why?
Cristobal: They are ruining the fruits of my labor. They are eating everything.
Marni: Oh, they're just hungry.

.....After a few minutes of silent contemplation.....

Cristobal: I'm going to kill them. I'm ready to dynamite the squirrels out of the city.
Marni: What???? No!!! They're so cute!
Cristobal: They are rats. They are rodents. Rats are more useful than squirrels. I'm going to kill the squirrels.
Marni: Aw, just throw a rock near them.
Cristobal: Oh, trust me, I've thrown rocks at them. It doesn't work. They keep coming back. They have tiny brains, you know. Why do you think they use rats in laboratory testing? Because they have bigger brains that squirrels!
Marni: Why don't you just build a fence around your plants?
Cristobal: Do you know how big my garden is? It's a miniature farm! Nothing works. I'm going to shoot them with a pellet gun.
Marni: Ahhhhh...that is so sad!
Cristobal: Oh, I'm not going to hurt them. I'm going to shoot them with a 500 meter per second pellet gun so that I know the pellet pierces the brain.
Marni: That is hurting them!...You are terrible.
Cristobal: Squirrels are the frat daddies of the rodent world.
Emily: ...is this conversation really happening?
Cristobal: I've had it with squirrels. I planted a plum tree, and after waiting 3 years for it to mature, it produced 60 plums. 60 plums and those squirrels ate them all! 60 plums! I spent 3 years...they ate them all!
Marni: hehe. plums.
Cristobal: And they ate 25 stalks of corn, that's the equivalent of 100 ears of corn.
Marni: Oh.
Cristobal: Emily, have you ever had a garden?
Emily: My mom has.
Cristobal: But have you?
Emily: No.
Cristobal: Marni, have you?
Marni: No.
Cristobal: Aaah! You two should plant a garden! It's really easy. The food from a garden is sooo good. The flesh of the fruit in the grocery store is waxy and built to withstand the duress of transportation, but fruit from the garden is pure. The skin is delicate and supple. The fruit from a garden is delicious. And the squirrels are ruining it. They are ruining it all. That is why the day of reckoning has come... I am going to kill the squirrels. I'm going to put corn on a 6x10 piece of plywood and shoot them with my pellet gun. I hate squirrels.

911

Dispatcher: "Did someone call 911?"
Emily: "Er.. uh, yes I did. Sorry. I... well, we have to dial 9 and then 1 and sometimes I accidentally press 911."
Dispatcher: "Try not to do that."
Emily: "Yes, ok sorry. it was not intentional."

Video: 8:00 Coffee

Ahhh.. You may or may not have seen our other infomercial, but we are just two office co-workers who enjoy good products.... So sue us- no, don't sue us. That is opposite of the point we are trying to make.  

.

George is fratty

me:  were you in a frat??

Sent at 2:53 PM on Monday

George:  hate frat's

they suck

they are from hell

me:  answer the question!!!

George:  no

me:  ok thnx.

Dwight Schrute's Rant List

Christobal's Rants:

1. The construction of kid's shoes
2. grass (especially in relation to city ordnances)
   
3. US government
   
4. bridesmaids dresses (“bridesmaids should be allowed to wear a nice pair of slacks if they want to")
5. problems for long torsos
   
6. candy (American confectionary is pathetic) 
   
7. Dora the Explorer (terrible theme song)
   
8. government clearance levels
   
9. TV (sucks)
   
10. propaganda of American Universities
11. traditions/brainwashing (ie: Aggie ring)
    
12. ice 
    
13. celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, etc
    
14. National Recognition Days (Secretary Appreciation Day, etc)
    
15. diamonds (“intrinsically worthless”)
    
16. laziness/gluttony
    
17. standing on escalators (wasting one's youth)
18. 2002 Jaguar (being a glorified Ford Taurus)
    
19. dental care
    
20. the “founding fathers” of American/Revolution (all lies)
    
21. poor floor division for AC ventilation
    
22. poor uses of space
    
23. Disney World (boring, ridiculously long lines)
    
24. having a Degree being more important than experience (bologna)
    
25. makeup (and its overuse)
    
26. insect bits in food
    
27. the sun is actually good for your skin (Vitamin C)
    
28. tools (cheaply made hole punch)
    
29. Building codes in America (modern buildings only built to last 20-30 years)
    
30. Burger King (it's disgusting)
    
31. unprepared journalists