Emails From Marni

Due to Stress

	Inbox		X

Reply

|

Marni Walsh marni.walsh@com to Chris, John, George, Doug, me

show details 10/29/09

I will be taking an "I need some frickin peace of mind" day on Monday.  I shall return if and only if I get said peace of mind.

You will all miss me.

This is a statement of fact, not a question.

Trusting you appreciate my position,

And agree with everything I have said and ever will say,

I remain,

Sincerely,

Cordially,

Regretfully,

Amicably,

Yours,

Marni (aka, my name of the day, "Money")

Marni Loves Fadi's Catering

Marni Walsh marni.walsh@com to me

show details 6/9/10

FADI'S AS SOON AS CHRIS GETS OFF THE PHONE!!! I'M SOOOO EXCITED! IT LOOKS SOOOO GOOD! I ordered a bigger order of pitas this time (for 20 to 30 people, instead of 15 to 20) and it's a BIG tray of pitas!!! woohoo!!! I feel like it's a more accurate amount for the amount of food we have, though.  either way, likely leftovers for you on friday :) unless the auditors catch wind that the leftovers are for everyone... :-/

Marni Walsh marni.walsh@com to me

show details 6/9/10

I'm literally so excited about lunch I'm shaking! what's wrong with me??? bahaha

Farewell Marni

While I can't seem to find the words, I did find several hours to make this Farewell video.

g-chat : 2000's :: email : 1990's

today we learned how to link our twitter accounts to our facebook pages. if you dare, re-live this moment with us...

marni: I kind of want to link my twitter to my fb...so I actually use twitter

emily: HAHAH do it!!!

marni: hm. can't figure out how #blessmyheart

emily: http://support.twitter.com/articles/200773-i-x2019-m-having-trouble-using-twitter-with-facebook

marni: ahh...it is through fb

emily: yah weird

FB does control all

marni: creepy

emily: i'll test it

i linked them

dont know how to make it go to FB tho...

marni: mine acts like it's still loading

it's taking forever

emily: its not

click out of that

marni: oh

ok

emily: see my tweets?

marni: no

emily: me either...

seeking help

if it goes to your facebook first...mark my words!!

marni: baha

emily: ohhhh

that checked box on the facebook apps page DOES have to finish loading

i was wrong

#again

#fail

#failure

#sorrymom

marni: haha

marni: you little.....

{emily tweeted: yes i beat @marniwalsh at figuring out twitter + facebook = ♥}

emily: MAUHAHAHAHAH

{marni tweeted: work now? #gettingimpatient}

marni: YESSSSS

it WORKED

emily: i beat youuu

marni: you gave me faulty information

emily: sucker

{marni tweeted: hellloooooo twitter to facebook! #imanewwoman}

emily: thats your problem not mine

marni: or is it....?

#judgementday

muahahhaa

{marni tweeted: emily is a cheater and a liar #faultyinformationisbad}

emily: lozer

people are going to start blocking you if you don't control your tweets

marni: this is dangerous

#losingcontrol

emily: hehehehe

{marni tweeted: I apologize for the flood of tweets. calming down now. #facebookmakestwitterfun}

marni: baha

love this

emily: #toofun

marni: it's like MAGIC when it appears on my wall!

#houdini

emily: #ghandi

#buda

#ohwait

marni: #jesus

emily: #davidcopperfield

marni: saved us both

marni: #theworldisabetterplacewithhashtagsI'mjustsaying

emily: #stopsneezing

#itsnasty

#psiloveyou

marni: #grrrr

#youcan'tjustsaypsiloveyouandmakeeverythingbetter

emily: #thatsexactlywhatitdoes

#psiloveyou

#you stink

#psiloveyou

marni: #youarepushingmybuttons!!!

#ourhumorhasreachedanewlevelwithhashtags

Marni's dream job

(This conversation just happened.)

Marni: We shouldn't have gone to college. We should have gone to trade school.
Emily: What? Why?
Marni: Electricians and plumbers have such specialized skills, they are never out of jobs!!!
Emily: So you want to be a plumber?
Marni: No, but do you know how much garbage men make????
Emily: Marni, garbage men???
Marni: Starting salary is $70,000. STARTING!!!!!!

Take a good look... this could be your future neighborhood garbage (wo)man.

*I am Marni and I certify that this interaction DID happen (starting pay is 70K!!! that is hard to pass up!). I do, however, want to clarify that this outfit is not a part of my regular wardrobe. Remember Tomás? The one who occasionally gives random/funny gifts (we did a post about that here). Well, he gave these shirts to Emily and I sometime last year. They are ridiculously flattering, right? Perfect for my new career as a "Sanitation Engineer" :)

Marni's Out

I'll be gone next week, so I know it's early but...

Love, Marni

I posted this on my door for all those suckers - I MEAN!...my coworkers that are here next week:

In case it's too small to read, it says "-Marni, Employee of the Year :)"

P.S. Love you, miss you, Emily!!!

Second Life

In this episode of the Office, Dwight Schrute plays a game called "Second Life." It's his escape from the office as he dives into the life of a character that he wishes he could be.

Marni and I also have a Second Life at the Office. We call it "Etsy Moms."

In our second life, we are moms that stay at home with our children, and create beautiful crafts that we sell on Etsy. The way we immerse ourself in this life is by finding blogs about sewing, crafting, cooking, and more....basically, living vicariously through the real Etsy moms :)

Here are some of our favorites:

• Cakies Blog Really adorable kids, fun recipes, clothes, and crafts! Like these pillows!!

[photo credit]

• Bleu Bird Vintage Emily's new favorite. I love that they just do what they like!
  

[photo credit]

• Young House Love DIY home decor + really cute couple (now with a baby!) = YHL. Young House Love, y'all are just presh. We initially came across this blog when we saw some of the Petersik's awesome DIY wedding pictures! They put in a lot of effort to make the day special and unique - using so many cool techniques that were fun and inexpensive! Here are some pics:

[photo credits]

• Linkel Designs Cool vintage jewelry. This one is Marni's absolute favorite.

Are these not the most precious little earrings you've ever seen??

[photo credit]

So that's our Second Life. We hope to one day call it our First Life. I guess that would just be Life, wouldn't it? But for now....you can find us here, at the office.

MarnMarn is on Twitter!

Follow @Marn_Marn for tweets you won't want to miss!

Marni's Hiccups

Marni: Ahh my hiccups are giving me a headache.
Emily: Your hiccups are giving me a headache too.
Marni: Heeey shutup...or Deigo gets it!!!!


Diego The Hostage

Concierge Marie

"What is Concierge Marie's real name?" -Marni confusing real life building employees with The Office characters again.

Marni loves omens

...Scene- Marni trying to open her umbrella inside her office...

Emily: don't do that! it's a bad omen!!!

Marni: Emily do you believe in Jesus or not???

the Snuggie - an office MUST have!

Want to be promoted to CFO, but fear the those big drafty corner offices? Fear NOT! With the SNUGGIE's ultra soft fleece you can climb the corporate ladder while staying comfortable and suggly warm!

Ever find yourself leaving conversations early because your co-worker's office is too cold? NO MORE! With SNUGGIE you can talk hands-free for hours about the latest American Idol craze!

Afternoon slump got you down? Finally, an appropriate solution to an afternoon nap on the reception area couch. SNUGGIE's super-large-one-size-fits-all will keep you warm, and appropriate to passer-byers!

Tired of having to get up in the freezing cold office to make copies? SNUGGIE to the rescue! Now you can make copies while staying snuggly warm!

Do you dread taking notes at those pesky Board of Directors meetings? Well NO MORE! SNUGGIE will allow you to take all the notes and doodles you want while keeping your forearm snuggly warm.

Want to take a 10-minute break to gaze outside but do you fear the shock of the cold glass when your hand touches the window? Well NO MORE! SNUGGIE will keep the rest of your body warm while your hand cools off!

Do you find yourself leaving work promptly at 5:00PM because of the chilly office air? Well NO MORE! Now you can look at facebook pictures for hours, hands-free, without getting cold thanks to SNUGGIE!!!!

Do you long to spend your downtime at work reading MAC OS X IN A NUTSHELL, but find it just too cold to read? Well NO MORE! Now the SNUGGIE will allow you to read all the computer programming books with it's oversized sleeves!

Do you want to warm up without drinking 10 cups of coffee which can often lead to mild stomach discomfort?? Well NO MORE! SNUGGIE's ultra soft and luxurious material will keep you warm while you pour your coffee and now you can enjoy just one cup!!!!

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Marni and I needed change. So, we googled celebrities that look nothing like us for inspiration.

Before

After

(If you know what Emily's picture on the left is referring to, you win a grand prize.)

If you're curious about how the office responded, they remained quite true to form...

Concerning Emily's hair.

Jorge: You got your hair cut!! Yeah, you look like... what's her name... um.. ahh... why can't I remember... she's got bangs... ummm.... argh.... OH YEEAH! Ugly Betty!!!!!

Cristobal: Oh? wow, Hm. Well... you and Marni got haircuts... what did you go to the same salon or something?

Diego: Hahaha you look so goth.

and then the next day...

Diego: actually I was thinking more along the lines of Xena, Warrior Princess

Jorge: Xena! hahaha

Diego: Yeah, that's what I keep thinking when I see her.

Cristobal: YES!!!

Juan: Oh yeah!! You should get a round shield like hers!!!

Marni and Emily: tmi

Concerning Marni's hair.

Diego: (very matter of fact) You got a haircut.

Marni: Yes. It was about time - I really needed one.

Diego: Yeah.

Apparently he agreed.

Jorge: Oh wow! It looks sassy!

Cristobal walks up to my office and stands in the door frame. He says nothing, and I'm in the middle of an email, so I keep going. Finally, I turn around just as he's starting to walk off. He sees me and stops.

Cristobal: Oh, uh, you chopped a lot off.

Marni: Yep. 8 inches!

Cristobal: Yeah...that's a lot...

Marni: Yeah...and it feels so healthy now!

Cristobal turns and walks away, saying nothing more.

Graduation from Peon-hood

You know you've made it a little further up the corporate ladder when the COO posts the following status on Facebook for all the world to see:

Tomás: Emily and Marni are the Bomb.
·about an hour ago· Comment ·

The sad-but-true story of the office peons...us :(

we had a special guest come into the office today.

cristobal greets our guest at the door, just as tomás and diego are entering. he introduces them and says "now you've met most of the company!"

emily and I are at the coffee machine making more coffee since our office downs coffee like it's air, and we were the ones to finish off the pot.

cristobal and the guest start making it down the hall toward us. they stop at juan's office on the way, and cristobal introduces juan as some senior-tecchie something or other.

marni (whispering): I wonder what we'll be introduced as?
emily: well, [our official title], of course. we basically run the business.
marni: yeah right...probably customer service peons.
emily: hahaha, good one.

cristobal and guest walk out of juan's office.

emily and I look up and smile, preparing to be introduced.

cristobal and guest walk toward us, and then straight past us, not even looking up.

cristobal: well, that's everyone!

smiles fade. emily and I are shocked.

marni (whispering): we don't even get an introduction??
emily: what the??
marni: are we invisible? they didn't even LOOK at us!
emily: it's because we are making coffee. Face it Marni, we're peons.

we hope to someday be introduction-worthy. when that happens, we'll know we've graduated from peon-hood.

10 Things To Be Thankful For In 2010

1. Maintenance fixed the automatic toilets so that they no longer flush multiple times while you are sitting.

2. Marni took one for the team, and cleaned the war zone that is the mini-fridge after The Great Coke Can Explosion Of 2009.

3. We have a filtered water pitcher thanks to Jorge. Also, the fact that Jorge calls it a "fildered" water because he doesn't like to say "filtered" since it contains the word "turd."

4. After months of 'Marni's Memos,' people are finally catching on to the phenomenon that we like to call 'clean up after yourself'.

5. When techies gather outside of Marni's door laughing and whispering, it gives Marni an excuse to retreat to the safety that is Emily's office.

6. Holiday treats have stopped arriving.

7.We have started calisthenics to reverse the effects of holiday treats.

If you, like Marni, doubt the existence of the word "calisthenics," see
here.

8. Having window offices and waving to the window washers.

9. New social experiment: See how long we can leave up the Christmas
tree until people start complaining. Marni's bet = end of this week.
Emily's bet = end of January.

10. WORKING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND! *cue Michael W. Smith's
Friends are Friends Forever*

Marni's Occupational Crossover

Today I tried my hand at speech therapy.

Emily and I were talking about this new movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox (which Emily absolutely loved, and I had mixed feelings about). At the end of the movie, there is this completely random and funny part with a wolf.

Emily: I wanted to find a picture of a woof to post on your wall.

Marni: A WOOF?

Emily: Yeah! A woof!

Oh no. She can't say wolf. Intervention time - Marni to the rescue!

Marni: Say wool

Emily: Wool

Marni: Say wool...f

Emily: Wool...f

Marni: Wool-f

Emily: Wool-f

Marni: Wolf

Emily: WOULF

Marni: No, more like a U sound - wulf

Emily: Wolf

Marni: Good! See, you can do it!

Emily: I know...it's just easier to say woof.

Marni: sigh...

My diagnosis: Emily is lazy and beyond help. God help her. God help us all.

Marni's tmi

Marni: I wasn't potty trained until age 11.
......silence in the office.....
Marni: Okay not 11 but it took a while.
....crickets.....
Marni: at 9 months I told my mom 'no more diapers mom' and she listened to me. but I wasn't ready. So then it was really hard to potty train me.

#2. Marni's Memos

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marni
Date: Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Subject: Your momma don't work here.
To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily, Tom


If you look around the office this morning, you will find no clean mugs. I found 4 dirty mugs around the office this morning that I put in the dishwasher, and I'm sure there are more in your offices. I don't even use the mugs.

NOTE: We have a dishwasher in the break room. It is run every day around 2pm. If you are still drinking from your mug/glass at that time, that's fine. But if you have dirty dishes you aren't using, remember to put them in the dishwasher so they can be cleaned! I know it's not as convenient as having one right here in the office, but it's only a few steps away.

If we all take care of our OWN things, we should be able to keep up with the dirty dishes around here, and not have a pileup like today.

I remain,

Marni
aka
not your momma

P.S. Tom, you can disregard this message. You're more OCD than I am. :)

P.S.S. If you are not Tom and also feel like this message does not apply to you - great. Thanks for helping keep the office a cleaner place.

#1. Marni's Memos

Marni is a community helper here in the office, and weekly she will send a memo to the office covering a multitude of topics, including but not limited to: office cleanliness, health of co-workers, or threatening doomsday with the launch of new products.

---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Marni Date: Thurs, Sep 17, 2009 at 2:37 PM Subject: Prayer Chain To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily

Juan has a rare disease that makes his head grow at a million times the speed of a normal head. Scientists are now wondering if this is linked to his super-human intelligence. But that is neither here nor there, because this disease is very dangerous and life-threatening. It will cause the bones in his head to fuse together, causing his skull to look like that of the picture I have attached.

So I'm starting this prayer chain to pray that Juan's head would be diminished to normal human size. I do realize that this means his intelligence may also revert back to that of, say, a 5 year old, but I think we can all agree that this is something we are willing to risk for the sake of his living.

Thank you.

I remain,

Respectfully,

Marni