Goodbye MileMeter, Zengine, Dwight Schrute, etc...

"Goodbye Toby, Gooodbye Toby, Goooooodbye TOBY, GOODBYE TOBY!!!!!!!"

I truly truly never thought this day would come! The time has finally come to end this bloog, and make it into a coffee table book. There just simply aren't words to incapsulate all that this Office has been. I didn't even bloog the majority of conversations and hilarity that happened around here. But I think I got a good grasp of it. It's actually been the perfect first "real" job. The bossman, although sometimes insane, is a truly generous boss who went out of his way to make teach me about the business world, and world in general.  Even though it was through his anti-establishment and somewhat cynical lenses, I did learn a lot.

I walked into this building in October 2008 and they had no furniture, no wall hangings, just a few second hand tables and desks. In the interview, I said my favorite book was "The Hatchet" (yes, the book you read in 8th grade.) When asked why I want to work at the up and coming revolutionary "MileMeter", I said "because I need a job." Great interview skills. Regardless, they hired me. In my 3.5 years at MileMeter, I have been a secretary, insurance agent, office manager, claims adjuster, accountant, marketer, salesperson, welcome sign writer, post-it design maker, catering representative, and CEO (self-proclaimed one lonely day in the office).

We gradually added furniture and phones. In February of 2009, I convinced Marni to work here, which provided the best 2 years here. We wore yellow shirts and tried to get cowboys to sign up for MileMeter at the Stock Show. We played practical jokes and office experiments and elevator experiments. We talked life and theology with George. We made countless dance videos and waved to the window washers. We used Tom's office for our best friends bachelorette party (hello downtown skyline!). We begged for lunch breaks and settled for our leftovers in my offices while watching House, The Office, and sometimes the Bachelor. We wore snuggies and took pictures around the office. We g-chatted constantly. We played Kris Allen YouTubes on loudspeaker for KPMG auditors, birthdays, and really any occasion. We cried when customers cussed at us and laughed when they shared their life stories. We cringed when they found out where we worked and came to visit. We made nicknames for everyone in the Office, and everyone outside out office. MM, Tight Jeans, New Guy, Salt and Pepper, Tour de France, Black Shorts, Mom, Fratty, Bobby Peacock, and more. We played a legendary April Fools and then wore Scarlet L's. We later were able to celebrate the *real* best engagement story ever. We read this bloog over and over and changed the settings from public to private a million times. Then we cried when Marni had to leave. Mostly I cried.

Then I took on claims alone. It wasn't so bad as RD had great timing and I also got to think about the rest of our life together! The job was so flexible and I was able to get plenty of time off for wedding stuff. By plenty of time I mean Thanksgiving to January 3rd. All the claims nightmares were well worth it for a stress free vacation. Then we shut down MileMeter. I called thousands of customers and said "it's over". And they said "But you promised you'd never go out of business!" And I said "I know, the government put us out of business." And they said "I will write a letter!" And I said "Take care, bye bye." A lot of customers cried and even more were worried about my losing my job. So they weren't as heartless as I thought! Chris let me keep my job even though my tasks began to dwindle to odds and ends. Mostly odds. Like hand delivering checks (guess I can add courier to my resume) and going to Whole Foods. And now in my last day, it's hard to say goodbye to a place I thought I would run out of on my last day. It's been fun, and hard. Mostly fun. But I'm so grateful for this wacky crazy place. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Miami

Tom walks into the office and starts playing Will Smith's "Miami" on his iphone, he puts the phone in his pocket and walks into the conference room where the Auditors from KPMG are and sits down. They laugh awkwardly as he just smiles.

Tom: "Have you ever been to Miami????"
"Yeah..."
Tom: "Did you know there are REALLY places like the Lizard Lounge??"
"Oh..hahah"
*music keeps playing*
Tom: "Well anyway....." *turns off song*

Wow. Maybe THE most awkward moment in the office. And there have been a LOT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSmKuVSocN8

Customer Calls

Well, I'm cleaning out my inbox making sure there is nothing incriminating ;)

and I've come across some hilarious customer moments. I'll post them here. This was was a conversation Marni recorded.

Phone conversation with customer Suzie Smith*

"Do you accept crippled people?"

"Uh, yes, we do"

"So, how do I pay?"

"We accept payment via credit or debit card"

"You don't accept checks?? Well this is TERRIBLE! I don't have ONLINE banking!!"

"You don't have to have online banking, just a credit or debit card"

"Well...I have a credit card"

"That'll work"

"Well, thanks for your help Margie. It is Margie, right?"

SIGH.

*not the customer's real name

Why my boss is Dwight Schrute

There are no words. Just read the email exchange below:

Tom	1:13 PM (10 minutes ago)
to AllHands

EVERYONE >

See Chris's note and picture below. They had such a beneficial business trip, they went to the Famous Outside Seattle Seafood Market and are bringing home fresh, pacific Salmon and Halibut to share with everyone.

Thursday ----- Bring a cooler and ice or freezer cube so you can take your fish home Thursday night. Our fridge won't be able to accommodate it!

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Chris

Date: Wed, Apr 18, 2012 at 12:57 PM

Subject: Fish on the way

To: Tom

1 pound portions individually wrapped. 40 pounds. Salmon and halibut. Please tell team to plan on eating fish at home thurs night, they can freeze extra. Please have ice in a cooler that they can use to pack their portion for ride home. Let them know bring their own way to take fish home (box, bag, small cooler, garbage bag).

Sent from my iPhone

The Interviews

Oh Cristobal. I may give up with the fake names actually.

Anyway, Chris is super hilarious when it comes to interviews. Imagine how Michael Scott gets when a guest comes to the office, really awkward and says things normal people don't say.

Chris' favorite thing to do is pretend like he's talking to me minutes before the interviewee arrives, "So Emily, make sure you have those reports, statistics, and quantum physics models ready by.... OH Hello David Smith I presume??! Welcome!! Very nice to meet you, come on back..."

Todays interviewee is a jolly British man from NYC. No idea how Chris tricked him into coming here. He's 5 offices down with the door closed interviewing and I can hear every word he's saying. which is fun because of the accent. Chris came to meet him and I told Chris he just left to go to the restroom so Chris was pretending to talk to me, literally saying nonsense and then acted extremely surprised when the Brit walked in. But the jolly Brit didn't seem to notice his awkwardness and started laughing and saying jolly things all the way down the hallway.