Improper Lighting

Marni started to complain about headaches induced by the lighting, so she shut off all the lights, moved the lamps around, and closed the blinds. I'm not sure if it's better or worse.

#7. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

Cristobal: Marni, can I use your computer?
Marni: Are you going to watch 80's music videos on YouTube?
Cristobal: No.

*Minutes later Cristobal is flustered*
Cristobal: What is wrong with your mouse???!!!!
Marni: What? Nothing.
Cristobal:Did you reconfigure your mouse settings?!?!
Marni: Are you serious?
Cristobal:Arghhghhhhhh *spastic clicking ensues*
Marni: Please don't break the mouse.
Cristobal: Apple makes the worst mouses ever.
*He is trying to look at a map of downtown Dallas for directions*
Marni looks at Emily: He was in Florida.... now he is in the ocean. heh heh heh.
Cristobal: Arghhhh this mouse is terrible!!!!

Pinecrest

http://pinecrestrc.org/
Make sure the volume is up!!

Lyrics (italics added are mine and are not necessarily reflective of Pinecrest core beliefs):

Making your retirement worry free (Bold statement Pinecrest, you've set the bar quite high.)
Come join the Pinecrest family (I'm assuming this means organized snack times like your website promised.)
And friend (Quite presumptuous of you)
You'll never need to move again (What if I want to move again?)
Though your needs may change (Somewhat offensive. More details please...)
Your address will always stay the same (Always?? This is a bit eerie.)
At pinecrest the very moment you move in (More detail.. are we talking when I sign the papers, or once the last curtain is hung? Your vagueness is a huge turnoff.)
A life begins again!! (Are you implying I had no life before? Again, highly offensive.)

Marni, or Mom?

"Hey Mom..er.. I mean.. Marni. oh dear. I am embarrassed. I have no idea why I just called you mom." -Emily

#6. Why Our Boss Is Dwight Schrute

Cristobal: I wouldn't wish anyone to be a Pastor.
Emily & Marni: yikes. why?
Cristobal: It's a horrible, rotten job.
-
Marni: What do you think about silk?
Cristobal: Wonderful fabric. Very expensive. But lovely.
-
Marni: That lady walks funny.
Cristobal: It's because she's wearing terrible, poorly constructed shoes.
-
Marni: Tell us what you really think about us.
Emily: What? No, I don't agree to this.
Cristobal: I would take a perverse pleasure in watching you cry.
Marni: I don't think you should have children.
Cristobal: Too late.

It Is Your Birthday.

Marni, thank you thank you thank you!

Modeling Agency

It may be something worth looking into.....

Here, Marni tries her hand at modeling. A comparison with the lady on the coffee maker box. 

....After the photo shoot....

Marni: that was hard! she is good. I guess that's why she's a model. 

Video: cafe disco part 2

I feel that I must explain...

I'm not a party pooper. I'm all for dance parties. It just so happens that this was filmed on the very day I was taking a very important licensing exam! I went to the conference room to get some last-minute studying in...but emily had other plans...

Things we are not.

Phone rings:
"This is Emily"
"Hi, I was just calling to find out..... are you a modeling agency?"

This conversation takes place at least once a day:
"Is this the water company?"
"no."
"Are you sure?"
"yes."
"what number did I call?????"
"I don't know."
"you aren't the water company?"
"still no."
"can you help me with my bill???"
"impossible."
"you can't help me with my bill???"
"no."

#5. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

The following is a real conversation that took place in The Office.

Cristobal: The day of reckoning has come.
Marni & Emily: Huh?
Cristobal: For the squirrels. I hate the squirrels.
Marni: Awwwww, why?
Cristobal: They are ruining the fruits of my labor. They are eating everything.
Marni: Oh, they're just hungry.

.....After a few minutes of silent contemplation.....

Cristobal: I'm going to kill them. I'm ready to dynamite the squirrels out of the city.
Marni: What???? No!!! They're so cute!
Cristobal: They are rats. They are rodents. Rats are more useful than squirrels. I'm going to kill the squirrels.
Marni: Aw, just throw a rock near them.
Cristobal: Oh, trust me, I've thrown rocks at them. It doesn't work. They keep coming back. They have tiny brains, you know. Why do you think they use rats in laboratory testing? Because they have bigger brains that squirrels!
Marni: Why don't you just build a fence around your plants?
Cristobal: Do you know how big my garden is? It's a miniature farm! Nothing works. I'm going to shoot them with a pellet gun.
Marni: Ahhhhh...that is so sad!
Cristobal: Oh, I'm not going to hurt them. I'm going to shoot them with a 500 meter per second pellet gun so that I know the pellet pierces the brain.
Marni: That is hurting them!...You are terrible.
Cristobal: Squirrels are the frat daddies of the rodent world.
Emily: ...is this conversation really happening?
Cristobal: I've had it with squirrels. I planted a plum tree, and after waiting 3 years for it to mature, it produced 60 plums. 60 plums and those squirrels ate them all! 60 plums! I spent 3 years...they ate them all!
Marni: hehe. plums.
Cristobal: And they ate 25 stalks of corn, that's the equivalent of 100 ears of corn.
Marni: Oh.
Cristobal: Emily, have you ever had a garden?
Emily: My mom has.
Cristobal: But have you?
Emily: No.
Cristobal: Marni, have you?
Marni: No.
Cristobal: Aaah! You two should plant a garden! It's really easy. The food from a garden is sooo good. The flesh of the fruit in the grocery store is waxy and built to withstand the duress of transportation, but fruit from the garden is pure. The skin is delicate and supple. The fruit from a garden is delicious. And the squirrels are ruining it. They are ruining it all. That is why the day of reckoning has come... I am going to kill the squirrels. I'm going to put corn on a 6x10 piece of plywood and shoot them with my pellet gun. I hate squirrels.