#11. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute: Properly tailored clothing

Cristobal's suggestion for overcoming fatigue at the workplace:
Cristobal: Do lunges.
Marni: Are you kidding? In a skirt??
Cristobal: Wear pants.
Emily: The seams would rip!
Cristobal: If you had properly tailored clothing then you could do lunges.
(HE THEN DEMONSTRATES WITH 10 LUNGES IN HIS SUIT HOLDING HIS BRIEFCASE).


Discussing push-ups at work:
Marni: I don't want to sweat at work.
Cristobal: 20 push-ups will not make you sweat. 30 wont. 40 wont.
Marni: you WOULD SWEAT.
Cristobal: Maybe if I was in a blazer, but 20 push-ups would not cause the problem of sweating.
Marni: Do 20 push-ups then!
Cristobal: No. It's a decorum issue.

#2. Marni's Memos

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marni
Date: Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Subject: Your momma don't work here.
To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily, Tom


If you look around the office this morning, you will find no clean mugs. I found 4 dirty mugs around the office this morning that I put in the dishwasher, and I'm sure there are more in your offices. I don't even use the mugs.

NOTE: We have a dishwasher in the break room. It is run every day around 2pm. If you are still drinking from your mug/glass at that time, that's fine. But if you have dirty dishes you aren't using, remember to put them in the dishwasher so they can be cleaned! I know it's not as convenient as having one right here in the office, but it's only a few steps away.

If we all take care of our OWN things, we should be able to keep up with the dirty dishes around here, and not have a pileup like today.

I remain,

Marni
aka
not your momma

P.S. Tom, you can disregard this message. You're more OCD than I am. :)

P.S.S. If you are not Tom and also feel like this message does not apply to you - great. Thanks for helping keep the office a cleaner place.

#1. Marni's Memos

Marni is a community helper here in the office, and weekly she will send a memo to the office covering a multitude of topics, including but not limited to: office cleanliness, health of co-workers, or threatening doomsday with the launch of new products.

---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Marni Date: Thurs, Sep 17, 2009 at 2:37 PM Subject: Prayer Chain To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily

Juan has a rare disease that makes his head grow at a million times the speed of a normal head. Scientists are now wondering if this is linked to his super-human intelligence. But that is neither here nor there, because this disease is very dangerous and life-threatening. It will cause the bones in his head to fuse together, causing his skull to look like that of the picture I have attached.

So I'm starting this prayer chain to pray that Juan's head would be diminished to normal human size. I do realize that this means his intelligence may also revert back to that of, say, a 5 year old, but I think we can all agree that this is something we are willing to risk for the sake of his living.

Thank you.

I remain,

Respectfully,

Marni

Video: San Pellegrino Limonata

Ahhh... refreshingly cool!!

#10. Why our boss and co-worker are Dwight Schrute

Cristobal: Kraft macaroni & cheese is nasty crap. It should be illegal to sell. You have to make your own.
Juan: But watch out, once the first cheese molecule grabs a foothold, it calls out to all it's other protein friends and says "let's hold hands" and then you're screwed.
Cristobal: The power of tertiary bonds.

Juan: Haha... tertiary bonds! so strong!

Awareness

Since all of our pranks, we have heightened our co-workers awareness of subtle changes.

Today, Marni did not straighten her hair as usual and made it curly, and Emily did straighten her hair instead of keeping it curly.

Cristobal: Wait.... wait... a second.... YOU (points at Emily) brushed your hair and YOU (points at Marni) did not brush your hair.
Emily: Okay, first of all I brush my hair everyday, second of all I just happened to straighten it thank you for noticing.
Marni: Yeah, I never brush my hair, I comb my hair.

George walks in...(with GUESTS)...
George: Whoa Marni you didn't comb your hair! [long pause] It looks good!

#9. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

"Don't get me wrong, I despise weakness and laziness in all forms - male or female."

Social Experiment #2

9AM

The Swap. 12:45PM

4:30PM. Back to normal!


This is how our day went:
8:50 Diego takes his first smoke break.
9:00 Jorge comes in, we chat about P90.
10:00 Cristobal comes in with his daughter. We play with her and Cristobal sees us plenty.
12:00 We eat lunch with Cristobal, his wife and daughters.
12:30 Cristobal goes to his office. We tell his wife our plan. She says she thinks he'll notice the swap.
12:45 Cristobal takes his family downstairs. We rush to the bathroom to change.
12:48 Back in the office, we anxious wait for someone to come by.
12:54 Diego walks by, sees us both, notices nothing out of the ordinary.
12:55 Cristobal walks in the door. As he walks to his office, we try to act natural. He notices nothing :)
1:10 Cristobal gets some coffee. Neither of us look up to see if he's looking at us.
1:15 Marni reminds Emily through g-chat to "ACT NATURAL"
1:34 Emily over g-chat: Cristobal "kind of looked at us twice"
2:30 We decide to be bold and walk back to Cristobal's office together to ask him something. He notices nothing.
2:40 Cristobal came to our desks, speaks with both of us, notices nothing. :-D
4:00 Emily and Marni get coffee, see Cristobal downstairs, ride elevator up with him, talk for a few minutes. Still zero recognition.
4:20 Marni: Cristobal, would you consider yourself to be an observant person?
Cristobal: Yes.
Marni: Really?
Cristobal: Yes, I always notice things. <> Let me give you an example: I notice changes in hair, makeup, blouses.
--At this point, we're both certain he knows--
Cristobal:...and usually before a woman's husband notices!
Marni: So, is this like at church?
Cristobal: Oh anywhere...church, the receptionist at the legal office...lady who works at the dry cleaner...
4:25 Conversation ends. If he had known, he would have said so...we GOT him!
4:30 We change back into our original outfits.
4:35 Cristobal comes out of Jorge's office. Doesn't even notice!
4:50 The Big Reveal: Jorge's not surprised he didn't notice, Diego doesn't believe us and has to see picture proof, Cristobal says ,"I knew you were up to something with your 'are you observant question,'" and that's it.
5:00 We leave with mixed feelings: A little bummed no one notices us, but also feeling victorious that we got away with it! :)

The classic swap

We can't believe we haven't thought of this before!

Tomorrow.... sometime around lunch, we are going to completely trade outfits. Head to toe. And see if anyone notices.

Stay tuned....

#8. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

Emily: What's the worst candy bar out there?
Cristobal: Anything made in America.