Buffalo in the Elevator, by Marni

Ok, so I wish I had planned this as a social experiment. If I had, it would have been hilarious. But I didn't, and it was mortifying.

A little background:

This is our mail key.

A buffalo key chain that was given to me by Jorge. He got it at a conference in Nicaragua.

This is what happens when you squeeze the buffalo:

Yes. Poop comes out. Surely you've seen one of these before, right? It's a pooping buffalo key chain, what's not to love?

Ok, so here's the setting:

I have to check the mail, so I grab the mail key, and push the elevator button to head downstairs to the mail room. I'm on the phone with my husband, which helps to pass the time. The elevator door opens to a full crowd of friends all chatting away leaving me in the middle of the elevator with the pooping buffalo key chain..

Out of habit, whenever I have the mail key in my hand, I squeeze the buffalo. I don't even think about it.

Well, as I'm chatting with the hubs, I see in the mirror (the elevator walls are mirrors) one of the ladies has a horrified look on her face, and is nudging her friend pointing at my pooping buffalo key chain.

"Oh, dear," I think to myself.

I turn around and look at her.

Me: Oh, are you talking about this? (holding up my pooping buffalo)

Lady: Yeah, what IS that?!? (disgusted face)

Me: It's a buffalo.

Lady #2: Oh...? (clearly needing more of an explanation)

Chatter has stopped. All 12 eyes are on me.

I've created a monster. I sigh and go on.

Me: Yeah.... when you squeeze it...well... it...... (I demonstrate the pooping buffalo)

Ladies: Eeewww!!!

Me: Yeah, it's kind of vulgar.

Ladies: So GROSS!! (not laughing, very disgusted)

Me: Yeah...

Lady #2: Where did you GET that??

Me: Oh, it's from one of my coworkers...he got it at a conference in Nicaragua.

Ladies: (again) Eww...

Guy from the back: Oh, I thought she had a voodoo doll or something!
Me thinking: voodoo doll????

I don't know what to say, so I just turn back around. I see in the mirror that my face is beet red. Awesome. The elevator continues to make it's way down, going slower than it's ever gone before. When the door opens I can't wait to take my pooping buffalo and get the heck outta dodge.