#21 Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

we had some guests in the office today. and they were kind enough to bring gifts - an economy-sized bag of good ol' fashioned peanut m&m's!

after the guests have left...

cristobal walks by the coffee filter we're using as a candy dish.

cristobal: there are still m&m's left?? I'm surprised you two [Emily and Marni] didn't polish those off hours ago.

marni: I resent that.

cristobal grabs a handful of m&m's. then he plops them in his mouth.

cristobal: oh...BLECH! those are TERRIBLE!!!

marni: they're just regular peanut m&m's

cristobal: oh...blech...

marni: cristobal, you've never had m&m's before?

cristobal: no, I have...I just thought they might have IMPROVED them by now!

marni: hahaha

cristobal: they taste like cheap sugar and wax

for some, nothing's ever good enough...

quiet phones

We had a visitor in and he walked by Marni's office and said:

Jack: I don't want to jinx you or anything, but I've noticed the phones are very quiet

me: hahahahahah

Marni: shush jack! you're gonna put us out of a job!!

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#1. Gifts from Tomas

It's a seemingly normal Wednesday morning. Emily and I meet outside the office and ride up the elevator together, chatting away. Jorge's making coffee and in a chipper mood (as always) so we talk with him for a bit.

I walk into my office and, GASP --

There is a beeaaauuutiful hot pink glow stick hanging from my computer!

Marni: WOOHOOOOO!!
Emily: what? what??
Marni: a GLOW STICK!
Emily: heeyyy!! where's my glow stick?
Marni: it's probably hanging from your computer....go get it!

Tomás (yelling from his office): oh yeah! I have to explain that...

Emily runs over to her office to get her glow stick.

Emily: what the --??!?!
There was no glow stick to be found.

Marni: emily, I'm sure it's an oversight
Tomás (coming out of his office): ok, ok...so, here's what you do: break it a few times, whenever you decide you want it to glow, and you will have hours of glowing pink light!
Marni: YAY!!!!!
Emily: tomás, where's my glow stick??

At this point I'm still fully expecting him to say, "it's right there," pointing to somewhere in her office she hadn't thought to check.

Tomás: oh - I only had one
Emily: what???
Marni: hahaha...
Emily: are you serious???
Marni: haHA. I guess I'm the favorite..hehehe
Emily: What the--??? really tomás???

Tomás realizes he's in a sticky place...

Tomás: well, emily...you just had a birthday, you know? and, well, marni seemed kind of down.
Emily (not buying it): huh.
Tomás: you know, with all the presents and decorations you got...
Emily: yeah...I suppose Marni needs it more... she has been depressed....for several months now....she is clinically depressed!
Tomás (satisfied with her response, turns back to me): so, yeah, whenever you want it to glow, just break it a few times! isn't that great??
Marni: YEAH! woohooo!!

Tomás walks off, feeling great about his good deed.

Marni (giggling nervously): I love glow sticks!
Emily: I can't believe it...
Marni: so when do I want it to glow??
Emily: arghhhh

Marni's Hiccups

Marni: Ahh my hiccups are giving me a headache.
Emily: Your hiccups are giving me a headache too.
Marni: Heeey shutup...or Deigo gets it!!!!


Diego The Hostage

August Family Lunch Quotes

Emily: Why are all of the presidents left-handed?

Tomás: ALL OF THEM????

Emily Well... a lot of them...a suspicious amount of them are left-handed.

Tomás: It's because they are liberal...... because they are gay liberals....... they are gay liberal lawyers.

Emily: Oh my.

--

Emily: Jorge did you see Inception?

Jorge: Yeah! I walked out of it. I was so bored.

Emily: Really? Why??

Jorge: It's not real.

Emily: So you only see movies that are based on true stories?

Jorge: Yes.

Emily: You saw Toy Story though...

Jorge: You're telling me Toy Story isn't based on a true story????

STEAK!!!

emily and I are bit hyper this afternoon, yelling office quotes to one another across the office:

marni: here's my COAT!!
emily: STEEEAAAK!!!
marni: get me armani...do you have ARMANI???

tomás comes out of his office

tomás: what is this??
marni: armani
tomás: what??
marni: get me ARMANI!!
tomás: (laughs an indescribably amazing laugh) VERSACE!!

he doesn't get it. tomás is awesome.

#20. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

...loading dishes in the dishwasher after family lunch...

(Cristobal is frantically pulling the upper shelf that tends to stick)

Cristobal: arhghhghhhhhhh

Emily: take it easy... you just hav--

Cristobal: ARGHH!!!!!! (violently breaking the upper shelf completely off the track)

Tomás: It's a crappy dishwasher.

Cristobal (calmly walking away): That is the understatement of the century. I'm shocked someone was actually given clearance to manufacture this piece of junk.

#19. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute

boss walking away: any more questions?
emily: yes, what is the trinity?
...comes back quickly...
boss: the trinity of soup stock?!?!?
marni: what?
boss: yes, it's celery, onions, carrots... little of bit of red wine, and there you have the beginning of a beautiful soup stock.
marni: oh wow.
boss walking away: ...it's excellent with beef.

#1. Customer Quotes

67-year-old lady leaving a voicemail:

"You can call me back, but I'm leaving for square dancing soon so I may not pick up. Bye bye!!!!"

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Emily: This is Emily, how may I help you?
Man on phone: What's your name?
Emily: Emily.
Man on phone: Hermione??!!

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