#17. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

marni: I'm really blind without my contacts.

boss: I believe that. so am I. I'm just glad I live in the post-Benjamin Franklin era.

marni: you know, I've wondered before, how would I have survived back in the day??

boss: you wouldn't. you would have lived a short brutish life.

marni: what?? that's terrible!!

boss: what? it's true! you would not be able to sense a distant threat.

marni: but I'm a woman!

boss: oh, even WORSE! the middle ages were an especially terrible time for everyone - especially if you were a blind, and even MORE so if you were a woman!

--

emily: I wouldn't eat that jicama salad or baklava if they were the last things on earth.

...boss was staring into space for a few minutes...

emily: I know you are trying to think of something funny to say

boss: No, I'm just thinking that I wish I controlled the world... I would make sure the only thing to eat would be jicama salad and baklava.

--

Midgees

Jorge's Lack of Filter

Think before you speak.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

These are just a few pearls of wisdom we have heard since the time we were young. From previous posts, it is probably evident that these aren't really things Jorge has ever taken to heart, as we recapped in an earlier post here. His lack of filter causes this really very kind and well-intentioned man to say some pretty embarrassing and sometimes down right offensive things.

Thankfully, though, Jorge takes constructive criticism well, and we've brought the matter to his attention. And it seems like it's working! He really has been more thoughtful with his words, making an effort to compliment us women of the office. We really appreciate the effort.

This morning I walk into the office with curly hair. It's the first time I've tried my hair curly with my new haircut.

So, as you can see, it's pretty voluminous, but not completely O.O.C. (out of control).

Normally, I would expect an over-the-top response from Jorge. But, again, it really seems like he has taken our lectures to heart and is trying really hard these days. So I'm optimistic.

I walk into the office this morning.

Marni: Hi Jorge!

Jorge: Whoa! Why, hello fluffy, poofy, curly head girl!

Sigh.

I guess it's true - you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Want to sit in a Ferrari?

I walked into the lobby in our office building today greeted by free donuts and coffee from some corporate advertiser. Part of the "display" was a Ferrari race car. It was the CEO's. It was cute, but the real bait was the haunting aroma of fresh coffee accompanied by donuts. All you have to do is give all of your information and enter to win a Best Buy gift card. So I succumbed to a fate of sales calls for a small cup of coffee. The salesman asked if I wanted my picture in the Ferrari, I laughed thinking who in the world would actually do that. Talk about embarrassing.

Marni passed the display when she walked in. She wasn't going to fall for this gimmick. But I told her there were donuts, which apparently she had missed before, so we went back together for donuts, and Marni signed her life away in the Best Buy gift card drawing as a token of appreciation.

Salesman: Want to sit in a racecar??

Marni: hahaha...no.

Salesman: You sure???

Marni: yes.

We both witnessed the Salesman's fervor to try to get someone to sit in the Ferrari as business men and women repeatedly and politely declined the invitation.

We continued to wonder aloud who would want to sit in the Ferrari in the middle of a lobby and have their picture taken. It just isn't professional. And as serious professionals here, we didn't dare tarnish our reputation.

Later in our office, Diego comes in:

Diego: Hey did you see they had donuts downstairs?
Marni: Yeah we already got one.
Emily joking: But we didn't sit in the Ferrari.
Deigo: YOU CAN SIT IN IT?!!!?????

Seconds later on Facebook:
Diego My new car is sitting in the lobby of our office building. #wishful-thinking
4 minutes ago · Comment · Like

with a link to the photo he took:

















Case closed. Some things don't remain a mystery for very long.

Party in the U.S.A.

It's 3:30pm. We're hitting the afternoon slump. Jorge moseys on out of his "cave" (our affectionate term for his office with no windows that he stays cooped up in nearly all the live long day).

Jorge: Where IS everybody?

Marni: I think Cristobal and Eduardo went out for a late lunch

Jorge: Probably did...but where are the others?

Marni: They're not here??

Jorge: No! Nobody!

Marni: Dance party!!

Jorge: YEAH!! Put on some Miley Cirus!

Marni: Hahaha

Jorge: Put on Party in the USA!

Marni: Hahaha

Jorge: No, really!! (pointing to her computer)

Marni: Hahaha

Jorge: Miley Cyrus! Come on!

Marni: (finally realized he was being serious) OH!...

Marni searches for Party in the USA, and clicks play.

Jorge: Turn it up!! Turn it up! All the way!!

Jorge begins to dance around in the hall.

Marni: Emily! Come on!! Dance party! Bring your camera!! hahaha

Jorge: Oh no! I don't dance for a camera!

#16. Why our Boss is Dwight Schrute

Today, Marni was standing outside Emily's door chatting as Cristobal walked by.

He stopped, looked at Marni's necklace (which happened to be new), started to say something... but instead he turned and looked at Emily.

Cristobal: "We haven't seen that necklace before!"

Emily: "Yes you have, I wear it at least once a week."

Marni: "But we haven't seen THIS necklace, it's new."

Cristobal: "Oh, I was going to say something about it, but you get complimented all the time."

Marni confused: "What??"

Cristobal: "You have a husband that says nice things to you all the time."

Emily clearly seeing where this is going.

Cristobal: "But Emily... I'm just trying to help her."

Emily: "You are making it worse."

Cristobal walked off mumbling something about Emily being an old spinster.

Hang up the phone, completely.

Emily leaving a customer a voicemail: ... thanks and have a great day.

*click, or so I thought*

Emily: Hey Marni want to hear a special treat?

Marni: um. ok?

Emily: ♪ Somebody... SOMEBODY... somebody... SOMEBODY! Can anybody fiiind meeee... soooomeboooody to loooooove... SOMEBODY... somebody... SOMEBODY somebody... SOMEBODY to loooooooveeeee ♫

This continued on for about three minutes, until I heard a faint noise. I stopped singing to see where the noise was coming from. I purposely had turned my speakers off so that I could sing my own rendition of Queen's "Somebody to Love" to Marni.

The noise was the automated voicemail lady: "...You have reached the message limit. Your message will now be sent."

Oh...dear....

A few minutes later, the customer who received my song message called back. She didn't mention anything about the incident...but I could tell from her tone that she had heard every minute of the message...and no longer respected me as a business professional.

MEGA DESK!!!!!

Command Central
Surveillance.
Gaming.
Business.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Marni and I needed change. So, we googled celebrities that look nothing like us for inspiration.

Before

After

(If you know what Emily's picture on the left is referring to, you win a grand prize.)

If you're curious about how the office responded, they remained quite true to form...

Concerning Emily's hair.

Jorge: You got your hair cut!! Yeah, you look like... what's her name... um.. ahh... why can't I remember... she's got bangs... ummm.... argh.... OH YEEAH! Ugly Betty!!!!!

Cristobal: Oh? wow, Hm. Well... you and Marni got haircuts... what did you go to the same salon or something?

Diego: Hahaha you look so goth.

and then the next day...

Diego: actually I was thinking more along the lines of Xena, Warrior Princess

Jorge: Xena! hahaha

Diego: Yeah, that's what I keep thinking when I see her.

Cristobal: YES!!!

Juan: Oh yeah!! You should get a round shield like hers!!!

Marni and Emily: tmi

Concerning Marni's hair.

Diego: (very matter of fact) You got a haircut.

Marni: Yes. It was about time - I really needed one.

Diego: Yeah.

Apparently he agreed.

Jorge: Oh wow! It looks sassy!

Cristobal walks up to my office and stands in the door frame. He says nothing, and I'm in the middle of an email, so I keep going. Finally, I turn around just as he's starting to walk off. He sees me and stops.

Cristobal: Oh, uh, you chopped a lot off.

Marni: Yep. 8 inches!

Cristobal: Yeah...that's a lot...

Marni: Yeah...and it feels so healthy now!

Cristobal turns and walks away, saying nothing more.

Tomás - our technological wizard

Background: Tomás is our seasoned executive here at the office. To put it lightly, he's been around the block a time or two. He's an industry titan with 50+ years of experience in the biz.

You would never guess it by looking at him, but Tomás is on the cutting edge of Technology...sometimes more so than us spring chickens, at a mere 24 years of age.

Tomás: Hey Emily, did you see my flickr page?

Emily: What is flickr?

Tomás: Oh come on now, take a look and tell me what you think...

Tomás: Hey Marni, did you see my new profile picture?

Marni: Profile picture?

Tomás: Yeah, on facebook! You didn't see it yet?? Here, let me show you.

Tomás proceeds to log onto his facebook on Marni's computer.

Marni: Oh yeah...you have an avatar. Cool.

Tomás: Yeah! Isn't it?

Marni: Why is it so small?

Tomás: Well, I worked on it forever to get it bigger and couldn't - can you?

Marni: Oh, no, I'd have to have the original file.

Tomás: So you can't do anything with my avatar? Oh well...have you seen the latest pictures of my grandkids?

Tomás proceeds to take over and browse through his photo albums.

Tomás: Morning Emily! Facebook tells me you had a nice Christmas with your family.

Emily: I, uh, yes. Yes I did.

Tomás: cool beans!

Tomás: So I was at home this weekend, and I got a text from facebook, here let me show you.

Tomás gets his iPhone out and shows Marni how facebook texted him the notifications of comments on his facebook.

Tomás: After you mail that, can you add that address to my iPhone - I don't think I have it in there yet.

Marni: Oh, I really don't know how to work iPhones...

Tomás: (with a look of bewilderment) You don't...?!

Tomás, we salute you and we salute technology!