Video: Whistle while you work

Nothing Happening at the Office

Emily's at a class all week, furthering her education, and raising her value here in the company.
I'm busy studying for the test I will take next week, to raise my value in the company.
Cristobal and Jorge left early today.
Alejandro never came in.

IE: Nothing is going on here!

Nothing to report. No funny antics, quotes, social experiments. Nothing.

And I apologize. On behalf of all of us. Because you, our loyal follower, deserve more.

Why our Boss is Michael Schrute

Marni and Emily have big licensing exams coming up and needed to study today. The Boss man knew this. The boss man loitered around our desks... all.... day... long. All day Emily reminded The Boss to do the taxes he had been putting off for two days. All day, he ignored her.

It may as well have been Pretzel Day here at the office.

9AM: Hovered over Emily's desk telling her that the FDA has allowances for cockroaches and various other insects to be allowed in ground coffee.

10AM: Talked about moving the company to a remote location: Costa Rica. Proceeded to say an unintelligible mix of German and Spanish phrases while pumping his fist in the air.

10:15AM: Asked Marni how to say "Tortilleria" in Spanish. Practiced saying it as he walked down the hall.

10:30AM: Came back to recount stories from his childhood about reading the Encyclopedia for fun. This lasted a while...

11:30AM: Ranted about how diamonds are nothing more than a cheap carbon compound.

12PM: Came off the elevator with a half eaten Falafel that he ate in the elevator. He has been buying Falafels for the past two months every day for lunch.

12:30PM: Marni asked him to write ONE question for a game she's making. He hovered around her desk and wrote 15. And laughed at each one.

1PM: Disappears into his office for a few minutes.

1:15PM: Returns shortly to discuss the percentage of saturated fat in an almond, and convince Emily that it might not be such a good idea for her to drink a glass of almond milk each day.

2PM: Talks to a co-worker for a few minutes about Oompa Loompas.

2:30PM: Sits on the couch in front of Emily's desk threatening to shoot a rubber band at her.

2:35PM: Shoots a rubber band at Emily.

2:45PM: Stares blankly at Marni for 2 minutes until she finally asks, "did you need something??" He sighs and looks at the wall.

3PM: Uses Marni's computer to look up music videos on YouTube.

3:10PM: Does lunges across the hall.

4PM: Emily reminds him about the taxes.

4:14PM: Walks to his office singing "taxes, taxes, taaaaxes" in an opera voice.

4:15PM: He actually appears to be working!

4:30PM: Productivity is short-lived because Alejandro enters his office and they proceed to talk about twitter for the next 1/2 hour.

5PM: Quittin' time. Cristobal got absolutely nothing done today. And as a result, neither did we.

Video: Shun. Unshun.

Turn up the volume. 

#3. Why our boss is Dwight Schrute

Marni: Did you know you can insure Worms?!?!

Cristobal: Duh, everyone knows that. In fact worm prices have shot up from $8 per unit to $25 per unit. The worm industry is booming. Worm poop is a very valuable fertilizer. God does cool things with insects and invertebrates. 

Newsflash: MM. Headline: Practical Joke. End Story. 

We also found out that Cristobal asked MM to play a prank of us. How do I know this? I rode the elevator with MM for 30 seconds of awkward silence until MM drops the news "So your boss is trying to get me to play a prank on you. But I'll keep you in the loop so the joke is actually on him."

Oooooh, this time the tables truly have turned. Mwuha. ha.ha..haha.aha. Stay tuned.

Ed. Dwight Schrute Part II

Ed wears white socks with teva sandals. Ed's cell phone ringer is set to "sci-fi". Every morning Ed says "Guten Morgen." Ed doesn't work here. In fact, no one is really sure what Ed does. But we like Ed.

Cristobal's family came to the office and his 2-year old daughter gave us treats.

Marni to the 2-year-old: Oooh how did you know I like chocolate??

Ed passing by: The XX chromosomes tends to give it away.

Ed passing by Marni's desk again: Did I hear you were an Oboist?

Marni: Yes.

Ed walking away: That explains a lot.

Marni: uh...what do you mean?

Ed just walks into his office and avoids the question altogether.

Discussing casual Friday.

Cristobal: Ed, the ladies have requested "jeans Friday" -- what do you think?

Ed: I don't own a single pair of jeans.

....silence.....

Ed: It's pantless Friday!!!!

....silence......

Ed: I think if you allow casual Friday, you must mandate Victorian Monday.

Uppercase P, Lowercase what???

Background info: All of our customers have a user name and password. They usually set their password to something awkward and forgettable like their dog's name backwards. If they somehow forget their password, our IT dept will do a manual reset, and I will tell them the password over the phone.

On this particular day, Diego reset the customer's password to 14MyPassword.
Note: passwords are case sensitive

This is how is went down:

Emily: Okay your temporary password is: 1...4... upper case M, lower case Y, upper case P...

Marni in the background knowing where this was going: lowercase assword! HA!! ASSWORD!

Emily trying not to laugh: ....lowercase A-S-S...

Customer: What??
Marni: BAHAHAHAHA...

Emily: giggle, giggle...Sorry, um, lowercase a-s-s-w-o-r-d...?

Customer: I'm sorry...what is the password?

Meanwhile Marni is dying laughing, and making me laugh, so I put the phone on mute to say, "Shut up Marni!!!"... except that the phone wasn't on mute. DOH!

Customer: Umm...hello? Er...what's my password?

Emily: I'm sorry. The new password is "14MyPassword" with an uppercase M and P.

Now Marni is on the ground laughing. I'm trying to keep helping the customer get logged in, stifling my giggles.

Since then, we've asked Diego if he could please never again reset passwords to "capital P lowercase assword."
....For our sake, the customer's sake, and the sake of the company.....

The Foreigners

"The Foreigners are coming." -Cristobal

What? Really? Wait. What does even mean?

"Conference room, 5 minutes"

We are being debriefed by The Interpreter (a local international businessman) on how to accept a business card.

Cristobal: And how would you say Good Morning?

The Interpreter: Uh.......... 'Good Morning'.

Cristobal: So should I bow and take the card with two hands?

The Interpreter: Um No, they are westernized. Just act normal.

Cristobal: Should I bow at all?

The Interpreter: No. Don't bow.

As anticipation builds, with the smell smoked salmon and croissants filling our nostrils, Marni and I are left with the daunting task of welcoming The Foreigners while Jorge and The Interpreter talk about the second coming of Christ (really. the conversation went something like this: "So, you go to church" "Yes, I go to church" "So you know Jesus?"...). Each elevator ding makes my stomach drop and makes Marni shriek and crawl under her desk. Seriously. She hid. Under her desk. Leaving me laughing uncontrollably the kind of laugh that you try to suppress during church when the Pastor prays for the Bubble Boy.

Six Foreign Businessmen get off the elevator. Before I can say "Welcome", Cristobal is in front of them, bowing to each of them with two hands outstretched, head down, obviously as a sign of respect to their culture. Croissants are offered in a french accent to our visitors.

Our life is an episode of the office.

Video: amorphous blob of khaki

MM- awkward.

This is the story of the most awkward office relationship ever. by emily.

Let me explain the set up of the office. I sit at a luxurious mahogany desk that faces the elevators. Every time the elevator dings I look up to see who gets off. classic pavlov.

If I want to go the restroom, I walk by another office with big glass doors.

One unsuspecting victim is always in my line of view, and I always manage to look even when I'm trying not to look.

When Marni started working here, I told her about our neighbors including unsuspecting victim. She begins looking into their office every time as well. Then the debate starts, "how old is he?" I said about 27. Marni said about 33.
We were arguing about it one day and Cristobal (Dwight) decides to find out for us.

20 MINUTES LATER.
Cristobal: Well his name is MM. He is a self-proclaimed nerd, he has a nice southern accent, he graduated from an Ivy league school and he enjoys long walks on the beach. He's 28.
Emily: what did you say??? the creepy girls down the hall wanted to know???
Cristobal: Eh... not important.
Marni: he's going to think we are stalkers!

At the end of the day, MM comes to the elevator lobby, looks at me, and waves with the facial expression of "did you really send your boss into my office to find out about me?"

After this incident, he started to wave every time he got off the elevator.

Until one fateful day.......

Marni and I were walking to the restroom. MM and co-worker came out of the office. Showdown in the hallway. We've never spoken. We've only waved. What do we do?
He said "hey, how are you?" While I mumbled some unintelligible response, Marni actually responded coherently, as any normal person should.

There is a small sliver of space in the elevator lobby that I can not see from my desk.
After this "showdown in the hallway", MM hid in this space. No wave. Nothing.
At one point he had to catch an elevator that is in my view and he literally ducked his head and scurried in.
But it's not just me, it's Marni too.
She left the building one day and saw him outside, he looked up and almost smiled as he recognized her, until he realized who it was, then quickly looked at the ground and turned around.

We have created a monster. And it appears to be irreversible.

What emily forgot to mention. by marni.

There was one event that emily didn't mention, that I think is the real catalyst for the awkwardness with MM.

One day emily is on the phone with a customer. the elevator dings, and of course she looks up to see who it is. I sit directly across from emily. from where I sit, I can't see the person that has just exited the elevator. all I see is emily a little too quickly and eagerly stand up, wave, and sit back down. just then the person comes into my line of vision. it's MM!

emily hangs up the phone.

marni: EMILY! did you just stand up to wave to MM?
emily: what? NO!
marni: uh...yes you did! I saw you!
emily: no! I was just standing up to straighten my skirt!
marni: well, I think you should know from where I sit, it sure looked like to stood up just to wave to MM...and that's probably what he thinks, too!
emily (blushing and laughing uncontrollably): OH NO!!!!

This occurrence, which from the perspective of all on-lookers (myself and MM) appeared to be an overt display of over-eagerness and desparation, is what I believe really initiated the awkwardness that ensues to this day.