Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
THE INFAMOUS RANT LIST!!!!!!
This is the infamous rant list. One day at work Cristobal starting ranting about things he hates, Marni and I started taking notes, we then asked for a comprehensive list of all things he hates. Each topic we have heard Cristobal rant about for anywhere from ten minutes to two hours. Thus, we give you... the rant list.
Chris' Rants
- beets
- bees
- shoes
- kid shoes
- construction
- price
- heels
- grass (especially in relation to city ordnances)
- US government
- insurance industry
- bridesmaids dresses
- “bridesmaids should be allowed to wear a nice pair of slacks if they want to”
- tax (although we don't remember this one, Chris insists he's said this rant to us)
- alcohol
- good v. bad
- wine
- beer and lagers
- church music
- tailoring
- men's dress shirts
- ties
- problems for long torsos
- resale shops
- candy
- Germany
- Dora the Explorer
- suburbia (this was a big one...and it got pretty heated)
- corrupt governments of foreign countries
- Tienanmen Square
- TDI
- state employees
- government clearance levels
- “When we make a lot of $ we will _____”
- Dallas
- neighbors
- “When we move to _____”
- TV (sucks)
- MUSIC (very common rant and topic in general)
- propaganda
- American universities
- Application process
- Standardized testing
- traditions/brainwashing (ie: Aggie ring)
- fine dining
- terrible artwork
- IKEA furniture
- cheese
- poop
- jewelry
- ice
- holidays
- celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, etc
- National Recognition Days (Black History Month, Secretary Appreciation Day, etc)
- diamonds (“intrinsically worthless”)
- laziness/gluttony
- standing on escalators
- wasting one's youth
- obesity
- saturated fats in almonds
- employee handbooks
- weddings and proposals
- San Antonio
- religion
- DTS
- 2002 Jaguar (being a glorified Ford Taurus)
- Switzerland
- dental care
- church leadership
- the “founding fathers” of American/Revolution (all lies)
- Bad design
- poor floor division for AC ventilation
- zoning laws
- poor uses of space
- cheerleaders
- “You haven't seen ___ (movie) yet??”
- “You STILL haven't seen When Harry Met Sally?!” (see below)
- men and women can't be just friends (When Harry Met Sally)
- “Just SAY it!” (in reference to using just a letter to replace profanity)
- fences
- Disney World (boring, ridiculously long lines)
- hiring discrimination laws
- Americans
- grammar
- pronunciations (ironically enough)
- having a degree being more important than experience (baloney)
- fast food
- exercise
- gyms and meatheads
- straightening hair
- makeup (and its overuse)
- Christian bookstores
- furniture
- insect bits in food
- Twitter/Facebook
- the sun is actually good for your skin (Vitamin C)
- skinny fat girls (w/ no muscle mass)
- ex: The Bachelorette (Jillian) and his grandma
- TV and movie branding
- unethical
- should be no advertising to children
- poor construction
- tools (cheaply made hole punch)
- Building codes in America (modern buildings only built to last 20-30 years)
- cell phones in cars
- proper stretching
- incorrect usage of words (especially gay)
- homeowner's associations
- sodium (especially in canned soups)
- phone system
- AT&T
- 1700 Pacific Management
- DISD
- MHMR (and how little they spend on “retards” (courtesy of emily who likes to “take things too far”))
- junk mail
- credit cards (“cheap credit”)
- Seagoville (“nothing good comes from Seagoville”)
- NCAA
- football
- life's not fair
- people shouldn't have the right to vote (we shouldn't have universal democracy, it should be selective)
- panty hose (“panty hose are just silly...and I've actually worn them, thank you very much”)
- men v. women dress codes
- men's loafers
- pets (most people shouldn't have them)
- hot tubs (one big saltlick, taking a bath with a bunch of dirty, sweaty strangers)
- disrespect (NOT a word)
- until we looked it up online. And it is. Ha, Chris.
- Perfume
- Burger King (it's disgusting)
- unprepared journalists
Restraining Order On Customers
From: Marni Walsh
Date: Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 2:28 PM
Subject: restraining order, perhaps?
To: John, Doug, Chris, George, Tom
this is an email sent from a policyholder to emily. she helped fix a situation with his bank not recognizing us as an insurer.
"Thank you Emily,
Emily thank you for all of your help now I'll give them a call and find out how much they owe me $$$ since I've paid in the past $100.00 with every payment. If I get a refund Emily I'll take you out to lunch DEAL? But serious I owe you big time, so think of a place to go to lunch and just tell your co-workers it's your cousin from out of town and that I'm here for the week and for them to mind their own business !!). Ok Emily thank again I'll keep in touch, remember were now in the year 2009 and the women can call the guy and say I'll take you up on the lunch part with out being so shy. Well take care and I hope to hear from you, the BALL IS IN YOUR COURT for lunch.
Thank you
Jorge"
-----------------------------
Marni: This convo just happened
Calvin: oh! well I was gonna give y'all more money!
Me: well you can keep your money for now!
Calvin: wow! you never hear that one! haha...so, I guess I can take my money and go out to eat!
Me: that sounds like a good idea!
Calvin: are you into dirty old men?? haha
Me:
Calvin: I'm 82!
Me: uhh...
Calvin: maybe YOU can come out to eat with me! haha
Me: oh...ha...I don't think my husband would like that too much
Calvin: well, if you don't tell him, I won't!
Me: oh...heh...soooo, yep, you don't need to renew your policy until September!
The Classic "Working From Home" Email
Working from home tomorrow + Errands
Inbox X
Inbox
Reply
| show details 10/8/09 |
Due to the fact that it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow, I'm going to work from home and take some time to get some errands done such as getting my TX drivers license, car registration, etc.
Doug
| show details 10/8/09 |
Due to the fact that it's supposed to rain all day today. I'm going to leave work and go home and watch TV shows and listen to Miley Cyrus.
Goodbye,
I remain,
Emily
Goodbye,
I remain,
Emily
| show details 10/8/09 |
Due to the fact that it's supposed to rain tomorrow, I will be at home in my pjs watching TV all day.
thank you.
I remain,
marni
thank you.
I remain,
marni
Emails From Marni
Due to Stress
Inbox X
Inbox
Reply
| show details 10/29/09 |
I will be taking an "I need some frickin peace of mind" day on Monday. I shall return if and only if I get said peace of mind.
You will all miss me.
This is a statement of fact, not a question.
Trusting you appreciate my position,
And agree with everything I have said and ever will say,
I remain,
Sincerely,
Cordially,
Regretfully,
Amicably,
Yours,
Marni (aka, my name of the day, "Money")
You will all miss me.
This is a statement of fact, not a question.
Trusting you appreciate my position,
And agree with everything I have said and ever will say,
I remain,
Sincerely,
Cordially,
Regretfully,
Amicably,
Yours,
Marni (aka, my name of the day, "Money")
Emails from Tomas
This one was serious......
Don't Let this Happen
| show details 1/20/10 |
|
| show details 1/20/10 |
wow. this was revolutionary for me. thank you, tom, THANK YOU!
| show details 1/20/10 |
lololololol
Emails from Tomas
Tomas also sends tons of Forwards, Chain letters, Pictures of Animals. Etc.
On this particular day he sent an email forward about a Koala smoking, this was Marni and I's response:
On this particular day he sent an email forward about a Koala smoking, this was Marni and I's response:
| show details 1/29/10 |
I can honestly tell you that this joke makes absolutely no sense to me. But I don't care to have any of you try and explain it.
| show details 1/29/10 |
I can honestly tell you that I found this joke offensive as I happen to really appreciate Koala bears.
| show details 1/29/10 |
Then I am sorry I sent it. At least the Koala bear was not hurt.
Tom
Emails from Tomas
Tomas frequently sends emails of his travels around Texas, and the U.S. Apparently Marni and I were not appeased by this one.
I am in Austin today; enjoy!
I am in Austin today; enjoy!
| show details 4/22/10 |
If you need something; text is better than calling.
| show details 4/22/10 |
he's telling US to enjoy, or saying he'll enjoy? and enjoy what??
| show details 4/22/10 |
enjoy the death trap that is this office.
Marni Loves Fadi's Catering
| show details 6/9/10 |
FADI'S AS SOON AS CHRIS GETS OFF THE PHONE!!! I'M SOOOO EXCITED! IT LOOKS SOOOO GOOD! I ordered a bigger order of pitas this time (for 20 to 30 people, instead of 15 to 20) and it's a BIG tray of pitas!!! woohoo!!! I feel like it's a more accurate amount for the amount of food we have, though. either way, likely leftovers for you on friday :) unless the auditors catch wind that the leftovers are for everyone... :-/
| show details 6/9/10 |
I'm literally so excited about lunch I'm shaking! what's wrong with me??? bahaha
Sylvia
Sylv: "I have a cup that needs to be washed? what do I do with it?"
Doug: "JUST LEAVE IT IN THE SINK OR ON THE COUNTER!"
Doug: "JUST LEAVE IT IN THE SINK OR ON THE COUNTER!"
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