Chris Brown's Forever

What the video doesn't show you, is APPARENTLY Marni's knee collided with my knee, inducing a serious, but not fatal, injury.

Now imagine the dramatization that Marni played out for the rest of the day upon injuring her knee in our little dance off. She sat in a desk chair, holding a bag of ice on her knee, while wheeling herself around the office.

"Emily, why are your knees so razor sharp??"

"Oh good! This happened on company property! So...worker's comp."

"They need to make these doors wheelchair accessible."

"My knee is too cold from the ice."

"My body is miraculously healing itself."

"Now I know how Artie [Glee] feels!"

Our customers know us too well....

The following is a conversation from the same Craigs List enthusiast from this post.

Ring Ring Ring

"This is Emily"

customer: How was your vacation?

"Good, but I'm not sure who this is?"

customer: It's Joe!

"Did I tell you I was on vacation?

customer: Oh, well I figured it out somehow.

"Oh..."

Why we love our customers

Excerpt from a conversation with possibly my newest favorite customer:

"Have you ever heard of the term 'computer illiterate'?...Well, I have a new one for ya, 'computer stupid.' That's what I am. It's a step below illiterate."

He is 63-years-old.

"You know what motivated me to get on the computer?

I'm assuming he's going to say our company. "No, I don't"

"Craig's List"

"Oh!...I've never bought anything off of Craig's List"

"You haven't? Well let me give you some tips!"

I did not envision the huge can of worms this would open...

"You're gonna want to go to the website, Craigslist.com. Then you want to click on Dallas/Ft. Worth. See, they sell stuff from all over the world"

"uh huh.."

"...like a bunch of other countries...!"

Apparently my response wasn't enthusiastic enough, so this time I try, "Oh wow!"

"YEAH!...So...you click on Dallas/Ft. Worth."

"ok..."

"Then you can search for what you want to look for. When you first start out, you should go to the section that says "general" and you can get an idea of all the things they sell"

"uh huh..."

I've bought all sorts of things on Craig's List...tires...ATVs...tractors"

"oh, wow. tractors?"

"Yeah! So, there's all these items for saaaaale...and then there's sites for jobs, housing, discussion forums, personals...services, you know, if you want someone to work on a computer"

"mmhmm"

"You know what's neat? It's neat to every once in awhile to New Zealand...and just see what they've got"

"Oh yeah, that would be neat"

"Yeah, it's crazy some stuff they've got!"

"Ok, great, I'll have to check it out"

"You really should. If you need to buy anything, go to Craig's List. If you need a car, then even have cars! If you need couches...TVs...microwaves..."

Humoring him at this point, "So I bet some things go pretty fast?"

"OH, you BET! Some things go real fast! Like, if someone's selling something for a really good deal, it's gonna go in just MINUTES. But if someone's selling something for not a really good deal, it'll stay up there awhile."

"Wow...well, thanks for the tip"

"Oh yeah, well I've told a bunch of people about your company, so hopefully I've just made another customer for Craig's List!"

"Oh yeah, I'll definitely look at it...maybe today even"

"Oh yeah! You SHOULD!"

It is possible I can get through the rest of this week without Emily...If and only if our customers are this entertaining!

Social boundaries?

Elevator Experiments

After discussing many awkward things that happen in the elevator on a daily basis, Marni and I want to take this to the next level.

Social experiments in the elevator. Any ideas? This is interactive.

Marni's tmi

Marni: I wasn't potty trained until age 11.
......silence in the office.....
Marni: Okay not 11 but it took a while.
....crickets.....
Marni: at 9 months I told my mom 'no more diapers mom' and she listened to me. but I wasn't ready. So then it was really hard to potty train me.

#11. Why Our Boss is Dwight Schrute: Properly tailored clothing

Cristobal's suggestion for overcoming fatigue at the workplace:
Cristobal: Do lunges.
Marni: Are you kidding? In a skirt??
Cristobal: Wear pants.
Emily: The seams would rip!
Cristobal: If you had properly tailored clothing then you could do lunges.
(HE THEN DEMONSTRATES WITH 10 LUNGES IN HIS SUIT HOLDING HIS BRIEFCASE).


Discussing push-ups at work:
Marni: I don't want to sweat at work.
Cristobal: 20 push-ups will not make you sweat. 30 wont. 40 wont.
Marni: you WOULD SWEAT.
Cristobal: Maybe if I was in a blazer, but 20 push-ups would not cause the problem of sweating.
Marni: Do 20 push-ups then!
Cristobal: No. It's a decorum issue.

#2. Marni's Memos

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marni
Date: Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Subject: Your momma don't work here.
To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily, Tom


If you look around the office this morning, you will find no clean mugs. I found 4 dirty mugs around the office this morning that I put in the dishwasher, and I'm sure there are more in your offices. I don't even use the mugs.

NOTE: We have a dishwasher in the break room. It is run every day around 2pm. If you are still drinking from your mug/glass at that time, that's fine. But if you have dirty dishes you aren't using, remember to put them in the dishwasher so they can be cleaned! I know it's not as convenient as having one right here in the office, but it's only a few steps away.

If we all take care of our OWN things, we should be able to keep up with the dirty dishes around here, and not have a pileup like today.

I remain,

Marni
aka
not your momma

P.S. Tom, you can disregard this message. You're more OCD than I am. :)

P.S.S. If you are not Tom and also feel like this message does not apply to you - great. Thanks for helping keep the office a cleaner place.

#1. Marni's Memos

Marni is a community helper here in the office, and weekly she will send a memo to the office covering a multitude of topics, including but not limited to: office cleanliness, health of co-workers, or threatening doomsday with the launch of new products.

---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Marni Date: Thurs, Sep 17, 2009 at 2:37 PM Subject: Prayer Chain To: Juan, Jorge, Diego, Cristobal, Emily

Juan has a rare disease that makes his head grow at a million times the speed of a normal head. Scientists are now wondering if this is linked to his super-human intelligence. But that is neither here nor there, because this disease is very dangerous and life-threatening. It will cause the bones in his head to fuse together, causing his skull to look like that of the picture I have attached.

So I'm starting this prayer chain to pray that Juan's head would be diminished to normal human size. I do realize that this means his intelligence may also revert back to that of, say, a 5 year old, but I think we can all agree that this is something we are willing to risk for the sake of his living.

Thank you.

I remain,

Respectfully,

Marni

Video: San Pellegrino Limonata

Ahhh... refreshingly cool!!